Relationship Issues

Having a baby, while associated with immense joy and euphoria, is a major life change for both you and your partner, and can affect you both individually and as a couple. Although it can bring couples much closer than before, postpartum can be challenging for your relationship with your partner, even if it was wonderful before and during pregnancy. And all the more so if there are ongoing difficulties and unresolved issues between you. 

Your partner may be going through a variety of personal emotions, such as:

• Recovering from the intensity of labor and birth

• Questioning their performance and ability to provide sufficient support for you and the new baby

• Fatigue from lack of sleep and doing a lot of extra work around the house

• Struggling with an increased sense of responsibility and finances 

• Anxiety over you and your baby’s well being

• Balancing outside pressures from work 

• Taking care of their own health needs

• Conflict regarding new role as a parent, especially if they had issues with their own parents

• Guilt about not being able to completely fulfill professional responsibilities or meet your physical and emotional needs

It is a time for healing and integration for your partner as well, and they may also feel overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted. Although you need lots of care and support, your partner may also. Tensions can escalate, so be mindful of doing what it takes to minimize or diffuse them. It is important each day to spend even just a few minutes alone to talk, laugh, hug, have a good cry if needed, and let each other know you appreciate and love each other. Individual or couples counseling by a holistic qualified therapist or life coach may be needed down the road, and have helped many adjust to this major life change in healthy transformative ways. 

Postpartum Sex

It is normal to have a decreased interest in sex for several months after having a baby, but once you are ready there are ways to navigate the journey and reclaim your sensual sexual relationship. It is safe to resume sexual intercourse when the vaginal bleeding has stopped, after the perineal area has healed, and after your 5-7 week postpartum checkup is normal.  

Suggestions to make your postpartum sex life better are to:

• Communicate your temporary limitations to your partner. Be honest and tell them how you are feeling.

• Include your partner in the postpartum experience since they often feel left out.

• Until you feel comfortable having intercourse, just cuddle, kiss and spend some sensual, affectionate time together doing recreational activities you enjoy. Focus on the pleasure of being together. 

• Practice mula bandha exercises several times per day to strengthen your pelvic floor (see instructions here).

• When ready to try intercourse, plan a date together with your partner when you expect the baby to be sleeping. Be prepared for occasional interruptions and keep your sense of humor. Remind them to be gentle as it may still be tender inside.

• Use extra lubricant. Explore the various natural scented and unscented sensual massage oils and see which one you like best.  

• Experiment with different positions. Try being on top, or a pillow under your buttocks with you on the bottom for comfort.

• Take Maca powder or capsules to support a healthy stress response, balance hormones and enhance your sex drive

Seek help if the sexual problems between you and your spouse run deeper than this, if you have worsening pain during sex, or if your discomfort or lack of sexual desire or feelings do not resolve over the next few months. Remember that if you are interested in preventing another pregnancy at this time, or if you feel that you cannot handle having another baby so soon after this one, do not resume intercourse until you have discussed contraceptive options with your practitioner. Whether or not you are breastfeeding, you can become pregnant as early as five weeks postpartum.

 As always, if you need more personalized support and guidance, schedule a chat with me so I can advise you about the best supplements, remedies and dosages specific to your situation.

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As always, if you need more personalized support and guidance, schedule a chat with me so I can advise you about the best supplements, remedies and dosages specific to your situation.

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