My second son Ojiah was born... During the pregnancy I needed guidance accepting the change that this was bringing to my life. From conception, Ojiah has been asking for my evolution as a person, spiritually and actively. While researching ecstatic and orgasmic birth, I found Suni Krall's book Sacred Birthing. My first birth was amazing and I needed to know I could have another wonderful birth (that I hadn't used up my great birth reserves, so to speak) This book, most of all, helped me with affirmations, visualizations, and meditations. I practiced mindful meditation, stating my intentions towards a healthy baby and a spiritually high, painless birth.
The early evening of Dec 12th, I was feeling restless and hungry. I had been having pre-labor sensations for a couple of weeks and felt ripe and ready. Jack and I put our son Sedge to bed, then made love. Labor came on instantly--what a pleasant surprise! I had dribbling of water from my yoni and nice strong contractions. We both laid down in bed and tried to get some rest.
Jack's body was propped up on some pillows and I was lying on his chest; he was so solid, strong, and warm.
I focused on my breathing and closed my eyes. The waves of sensation with each rush manifested in my breathing rate and I was both concentrating on and allowing relaxation through the surges of intensity. As the waves started to come on stronger andmore often, I felt the need to get up. I also needed to empty my bowels. The rushes became stronger and this seemed to be happening quickly. I began to moan and groan to release any pain. I sought out the most comfortable positions which was kneeling on the floor, knees splayed, my upper body propped up on the couch, a stool or a birthing ball.
Timing of when to call the midwife is tricky when you become so immersed in the present, but Jack was making me aware of the obvious--things were progressing--it was time to call Anne. When she and her assistant Nancy arrived, they were so gentle and respectful. Any concerns about having toentertain or having my energy pulled away from myself quickly diminished. They were immediately present and 'holding the space'. Jack's touch was amazing, connected, and strong. To complement that, Nancy's touch was soft, warm, and reassuring. Making noises during rushes really moved them through me. At one point, I remember feeling a gentle sadness washing over me and I announced it was going to manifest itself as a cry. Jack was so supportive as he sat with me and Nancy respectfully paused in the process of checking my temperature. Everyone present allowed this feeling to express. It was very calm and fleeting, and felt almost like singing. It was a gentle weeping, like a breeze through a willow, and it was over, no specific thoughts were involved--just total feeling.
As things began to get more intense, Anne wisely suggested a shower, which was revitalizing. As the close of the birth was approaching, I began to fear that our two year old son, Sedge, would wake up and be needy when the baby needed us most. We had originally planned to call someone to be with him. Though this didn't feel right in the moment, I feared having the flow broken if Sedge became scared and needed something I just couldn't give. Jack kept talking me through this, reassuring me that it was ALL OK. Walking, squatting, bending, moaning were all part of the progression, and the pressure began to feel heavier. I felt the need to push. Anne checked me and said I was not ready--I needed to open more. Certain visualizations came into my being at this time: the opening of flowers and an affirmation from Sacred Birthing -- "I wish to envision my birth as an ultimate high". I also remembered from Spiritual Midwifery about connecting in with your man. We had smooched plenty earlier and I know this had helped me. I turned toward Jack and looked into his eyes and acknowledged and held that connection I felt. It was deep and loving and freeing and joyous, and out bubbled a laugh; it felt GREAT..... "ah hah!" I allowed the laughs to keep on coming and thought about the words "I wish to envision my birth as an ultimate high," and I was getting high! I don't remember any pain at that time. I was completely lifted above it all... it felt REALLY good. Laughing transcended me. I'm not sure how long this went on. There's no linear grasp on time, but I know that it was a prevalent gift in my birthing experience.
Sedge began waking up then, and Jack went into the bedroom to be with him and talk about what was going on with mama. I clearly remember the 'last laugh'. It started to arise naturally and then was caught in my throat by a strong rush. I knew it was time for inward quiet. Transition. I sat on my birthing ball and felt deep calm. I was fully opened. I felt Ojiah moving lower and lower with the next contractions and deeper grunts came out of me. All I wanted to do was walk around and squat on the rush. Sedge and Jack came out of the bedroom. Sedge gave me a hug, then he and Jack sat on the couch, while I sat on the birthing stool facing them and resting my upper body on Jack's lap, hugging him whenever the intensity of feeling came on. Sedge was not just there, he was completely supportive. At one point this pure, wise little being rested his hand on my arm. A gesture that was fully present and not at all needy. He was aware of the magic and sacredness of the space and moment.
Anne and Nancy had me on a birthing stool that was the perfect height to really get a squat. During the pushing I alternated between sitting on it and getting up onto it to get a deeper squat. Anne made lovely suggestions during this time to walk, go under the shower, and listen to music. I didn't think I was grounded enough to choose or enjoy music, but I trusted Anne and agreed to it. She took out her CD of women birthing songs from around the world. I pushed and called out with a will of strength so primal and raw. I was actually tuned in and encouraged by the tribal music. It was ancestral. My beautiful baby boy was born. He was so gentle and peaceful and welcome.
Bringing me back to that moment swells my heart to a great capacity. It is a beautiful and awesome initiation into the countless moments of the real and perfect harmonies of parenting. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my story.
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