When Family is Against Your Home Birth Plan (or Using a Midwife at a Birth Center or Even Hospital)

Photo @diahpodcast

Thanks to documentaries like The Business of Being Born and Orgasmic Birth, as well as celebrities like Alanis Morissette and Gisele Bundchen sharing their testimonies of ecstatic births at home, modern women all over the world are stepping into a positive experience of birthing their babies in out-of-hospital settings and sharing it all over the media; and more are returning to giving birth at home, where women have birthed their babies since the beginning of time. Home is still the most common setting to have a baby globally.

To begin, a little bit about homebirth

I believe many women and their families are not informed of homebirth or a midwifery model of care, and this is where much of the uncertainty and discomfort comes from when discussed among partners and family members.

Despite the latest statistics showing that a home birth with a qualified midwife is just as safe as birthing a baby at the hospital – if not safer – many are still apprehensive about the perceived risks involved.

Even so, women continue to birth at home because they feel the calling within their bodies, within their hearts, within their souls. Many women have shared with me that they desire greatly to have a home birth experience and know that it’s what they feel is best for them and for their babies. Many very educated professionals of all career types are making well researched and informed decisions to have homebirths with a midwife.

Although I am optimistic about healthcare moving in the direction of more prevalent home birth midwifery model of care, our society still expresses an opinion that babies are to be born in hospitals….

Photo by @yogawithalanna

Or at the very least, in birth centers.

There is an overwhelming cultural belief in the United States that hospitals are the safest place to give birth, regardless of the extensive scientific data that planned homebirths with skilled midwives suggest otherwise. Numerous studies around the world have documented the safety of planned homebirth by trained professional midwives, with outcomes at least as good, if not better than those occurring in a hospital. 

This is especially true of women who have delivered vaginally before. The total slight increase newborn mortality risk of home birth is estimated to be 10 per 10,000 babies born at home, and that 1 in 1000 babies born at home may be adversely effected by the extra transport time in reaching advanced care in the hospital; the absolute risk is small however.

Although the United States spends the most money on obstetric care, it still ranks among the lowest of industrialized countries around the world in neonatal mortality and morbidity, and ranks quite low in maternal mortality and morbidity as well.

Countries that consistently demonstrate the best maternal and newborn outcomes have a large percentage of midwife led maternity care for healthy women experiencing normal pregnancies, which constitutes the vast majority.

These countries have a higher percentage of homebirth midwifery care with supportive hospital/medical transfer arrangements when needed, while the obstetricians attend to the women with high risk complications and serious illnesses, which is how they are educated as surgeons and medical doctors. 

When midwives and obstetricians work together as a team, both using their unique skills, knowledge, expertise and training, the outcomes for moms and babies are far superior. Midwives are trained in guarding the normalcy of pregnancy, birth and postpartum, not disturbing it when all is well, knowing when to compassionately observe with loving support, and when and how to use holistic remedies, or medical intervention only when necessary as a last resort; they are also educated in prevention, assessment and treatment of complications, which most times can be managed simply and naturally, but sometimes involves consultation or referral to an obstetrician.

Photo by @awphotography.calgary

Although unforeseen events and emergencies can occur in any birth setting (some of which can be best handled in a high-risk hospital), a low risk healthy woman entering the typical U.S. hospital expecting a normal vaginal birth is subjected to a routine barrage of procedures and interventions that dramatically increase the risk of complications and problems, with potentially longstanding physical and emotional ramifications for both mother and baby. 

There are many other benefits of homebirth midwifery care, in addition to safety, which provides an alternative to the impersonal, fear-based, law-suit prevention oriented medical and hospital care that has become prevalent in our society.

These benefits include but are not limited to:

·       the power of the human touch and presence

·       being surrounded by supportive people of a family’s own choosing

·       security in birthing in a familiar and comfortable environment of home

·       feeling less inhibited in expressing unique responses to labor (such as making sounds, moving freely, adopting positions of comfort, being intimate with her partner, nursing a toddler, eating and drinking as needed and desired, expressing or practicing individual cultural, valueand faith based rituals that enhance coping) -- all of which can lead to easier labors and births

·       not having to make a decision about when to go to the hospital during labor (going too early can slow progress and increase use of the cascade ofrisky interventions, while going too late can be intensely uncomfortable or even lead to a risky unplanned birth en route)

·       being able to choose how and when to include children (who are making their own adjustments and are less challenged by a lengthy absence of their parents and excessive interruptions of family routines)

·       enabling uninterrupted family boding and breastfeeding

·       huge cost savings for insurance companies and those without insurance

·       increasing the likelihood of having a deeply empowering and profoundly positive, life changing pregnancy and birth experience

Getting holistic prenatal through postpartum care and birthing in one’s own home attended by a skilled midwife, is a refuge for those who want to protect the normalcy and sanctity of pregnancy and birth.

Focusing on the normal, however, does not mean that problems go unrecognized or unattended; rather they are viewed as imbalances that need to be righted, not expected or feared. 

With that said, certain hazards do exist in all settings, whether childbirth occurs in or out of the hospital; and there are risks unique to each setting. 

Some of these risks will never be eradicated no matter what our state of technology or medical advancement. The practice of midwifery, nursing and medicine are not exact sciences and no assurances can be made regarding the results of examinations, diagnostic tests, treatments, procedures, or interventions.

It is impossible for any provider to guarantee a normal healthy birth, mother or baby. However, especially in our country, when “poor” outcomes occur at home, even if the outcome would have been the same if the birth were to have occurred in the hospital, the choice of homebirth is often called into question; yet when there is a “bad” outcome in the hospital, people rarely challenge the hospital care and are much less likely to question whether or not the same outcome would have occurred or been avoided if the mom birthed at home. If problems occur at home, a home birthing family will invariably be challenged by friends, family and other professionals as to the wisdom of your choice to have a homebirth.

It’s ok to question all options, and we are seeing more of that with hospital births and women searching for an alternative.

What to do when partners or families are not supportive of a home birth

 A partner or family that may not be on board

Photo by @diahpodcast

I have worked with women who gather as much information as possible and share it with their partner, in hopes of helping their partner understand where they are coming from. Sometimes these are the women, and I have also had partners of the pregnant mom feel very passionate about having a home birth although she wasn’t completely sure.

In my experience, when partners feel heard and validated, they oftentimes come around. This is through meeting with me as the months go by and having the opportunity to ask questions, get answers and receive support through the pregnancy process. But a woman who is unsure must dig deep, as she will labor best where she feels safe – and that may be the hospital; if her spouse is zealous, yet she agrees only intellectually, I am wary of her being able to relax and give birth at home.

Some extended family had homebirths themselves or are very supportive.

Photo by @alwaysmatilda_katie.

But some are very against the idea, especially if it’s a situation they don’t fully understand, like going to a midwife or having a homebirth; and they may be very vocal about their opinions. If family members don’t have knowledge, direct experience with home or even natural birth, it understandably may not sit well with them and they have safety concerns.

Photo by @brittanyphotographs

I have dealt with these situations often as well.  Every situation is different.  It is not a time for the pregnant mama to get into debates defending her position. I help empower her to set boundaries and maintain a fortress of positivity around her. In some more challenging situations, after discussion, we agree that the couple does not need to tell their family they are planning a homebirth at all or until after birth. They can just say they are seeing a midwife, mention the back up hospital if asked - end of conversation. In most cases, I encourage expectant couples to bring their anti-homebirth family members to prenatal visits to ask me their questions and discuss with me their concerns. They see the licenses on the wall and medical equipment - like for labs, checking blood pressure and fetal heart rate – even if tucked away in the homey office setting, and they relax a bit; but most significantly, the more time we can spend together and they receive answers and feel lovingly validated, they come around to at least stop resisting; but many times I am amazed how they transform to offer support and even excitement around the upcoming homebirth. Some do tell me they won’t relax until it’s over and everyone is healthy – but then after the birth, they become big homebirth supporters, telling everyone how wonderful the experience was.

How to listen to your intuition when planning a homebirth

Photo by @miniateam

 This plays a large role as we discuss this topic. I have found that pregnancy is a sacred time and it’s important for women to keep their space sacred during this time.

Here are some ideas for keeping your space sacred:

·       Create your vision – Take some quiet time where you can close your eyes and relax. Take slow deep breaths, releasing on the exhale, and use your mind as a clean slate. Envision on that clean slate, the vision you have for you, your baby, and your birth. What does it look like, and more importantly, what does it feel like? Take notes in a journal or draw anything that helps to hold this vision. Spend time with this vision every day and hold a feeling of gratitude that’s already been delivered.

·       Share little with those who aren’t in alignment with you – A mama may have her partner, her midwife, her massage therapist and/or a few real close friends in her circle…. Be mindful about who you share your vision with, because not everyone is able to connect with high energy like this… and that’s ok…. It’s important to recognize that everyone is on their own journey, but you don’t have to lower your standards to make others feel more comfortable about your life choices. And you must avoid conversations or sometimes people who lead you to feel inner tension and fear, which does not serve you at all during this most sensitive time. Remember, it is your body, your birth, your baby, your life, not theirs.

·       Get comfortable setting boundaries – You may simply need to tell those stressful family members that you love them, you appreciate their concern, but you are pregnant and sensitive, trying to keep positive, relaxed and upbeat, and you’d rather not talk about it or get into any disagreement. Many women, myself included, have spent time in life accommodating others. This is not one of those times, and pregnancy can help women shed their fears, limiting beliefs, and negative habits. Pregnancy is a time for a woman to focus on herself and her baby and for some women, this may be the first time in her life when she experiences this. I give you permission to pleasantly exit the conversation, hang up the phone or leave the room if they do not honor your request. Most will eventually learn and stop harassing you.

·       Focus on surrounding yourself with positivity – this includes positive affirmations, inspirational birth stories, books, movies, radio shows, podcasts, and people. It’s important for you and your baby to keep stress low and spirits high…. Pregnancy provides an opportunity to release unconscious beliefs and emotions, so although it’s rarely a completely smooth ride, it’s one where you can always get back on board your wave of high vibes. Keep negative news media to a minimum and be mindful of toxic people that just don’t need your attention at this time.

Where and how a woman births her baby is her business…. Feel confident in listening to your body, your baby, and your intuition when it comes to this very special time. It’s not your job to convince anyone of anything, but only to show up for your own assignment… strengthen your faith muscles and know that you come from a long line of birthing women. I have helped many women over the years face the critic in their own minds and of others, and once they start listening to the voice of their inner truth, they let go and enjoy the ride.

I have a holistic approach to life, including healing after pregnancy and birthing. Nothing replaces abdominal toning and exercise for restoring muscle strength and tone - which I encourage for all mamas as soon as they feel up to it postpartum. Nothing replaces touch, slow deep abdominal breathing, and a 'love your postpartum body' perspective that I promote.  But I have found many mamas simply feel comforted by this support garment, especially early postpartum and temporarily as needed....to be used without forfeiting abdominal toning and strengthening exercise, breathing well and touch. I have found Bellefit supportive garments to help like they use belly binding around the world such as in Indonesia. They do aid in early postpartum healing and provide support many mamas feel comforted by. I deal with human beings and the reality is many postpartum mom's struggle with body image, feel frustrated that getting back to themselves takes longer than expected. Being into holistic health and healing includes being sensitive to real human struggles - the mind, body, heart and soul of each person and their unique situation. Having helped countless women with these issues after having a baby as a midwife, I have found many still love that binding and feel better with this support, and ability to fit into their pre-pregnancy clothes comfortably and sooner than they would if they went through a C-section or natural childbirth recovery without it - especially when they have to dress up and fit into a certain favorite outfit for a special occasion or wedding not long after having a baby. For more info on the Bellefit girdle, check out my blog about it here. Have a Great Postpartum Recovery (with a little help from Bellefit)!

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Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma,

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself,letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom andcommunicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

Get a 10% discount on your Sleepod purchases at askrembla.com

-use the code SWEETHOME to get your discount. 

I am passionate about changing lives. This 44-day course is changing lives. Vital Mind Reset is a program that will hold your hand and help you heal your life without a prescription. It will also introduce you to a community of people just like you – all working to transform their lives and revive their power and joy. Be a part of this community. Be a part of something greater and get yourself back! This course is a must, by renowned holistic psychiatrist Dr. Kelly Brogan, author of NY Times best seller 'A Mind Of Your Own', a dear friend and trusted colleague I can vouch for personally and support whole heartedly. 

A Mama Who Loved Her HomeBirth

"We recently had an amazing home birth and we would love to have it feature on your page. It was such a serene, calm experience and having it at home was 100% the right choice for us. We chose to have our 4 year old Diaz and our 2 year old Harlequin at the birth and they were there to watch their new sister enter the world. We also had both of our mums and our midwives. Such a precious experience. I have attached some photos. One of them is of our girls and mums looking at Tan for the very first time. So special to have captured that moment. Your page is wonderful and I would look at it so often before our big day. I would sit and scroll through your account so much before our homebirth, thank you so much for creating  space where women can go to feel empowered and excited. I found it so encouraging to look at photos of other women having beautiful home births." @amorematerna  

Home•Sweet•Homebirth

‘You look like a woman who is about to go into labour’

This is what my midwife said to me on the morning before I delivered Tan. And when a lady who has been a midwife for 20 odd years says this to you, it’s definitely permission to feel excited. The rest of the day was relatively relaxed (two kids relaxed that is). I got some things from the shops, picked up the girls from my mums house after they had been there for a sleepover and made dinner. 

We put the girls to bed around 7 and headed to bed ourselves around 9. I had been having mild cramping for the week and a half leading up to birth so the gentle braxton hicks I was getting just before bed were a normal occurrence. But by 11 when I could no longer lay down and needed to pace around I realised what was happening. 

By around 12 30 both our mums were at the house. My mum was doing my folding and Zak’s mum was making cups of tea. 

For all my births I have had the same people by my side and having them here again, in the middle of the night, in the comfort of our home, was very centring.

My contractions were coming regularly but quite spaced out, I knew this meant it would be another long labour for me but I felt totally fine with that. My body knew exactly what it was doing. 

We laboured upstairs in our bedroom until 4 30am. After three labours and births I knew what worked for me each contraction and that involved things like gently squatting, pushing against a wall, leaning over the bed on my knees and also pulling my hair (whatever works hey!)

At 4.30 it was time to head downstairs to the beautiful birthing pool that was set up and full of water. The only light we had was from our diffuser. We had laid a rug down and the downstairs couch was draped with white sheets. 

It was a really calm space. 

It was also really nice 'timing wise’ to labour through the night. In the middle of the night the whole world feels more still, like no one expects anything from you. I felt so relaxed and in control. 

As soon as I sunk into the hot water I remembered how amazing it felt to use water during labour. The pressure came off of my hips and my whole body instantly felt lighter. 

This is also when things started to gain momentum. We called my midwife and told her how my contractions were feeling and she said she would be there soon. 

At about 5.30 (and an hour sooner than usual) we heard the girls bedroom door open and out came Diaz with the most precious look on her face 

'The baby is coming now?’ She asked. 

It was like a whole new wave of emotion washed over me when I saw her. The end result of this hard process was standing right in front of me with messy hair and cute pyjamas. 

I cried a wave of happy tears through my next contraction. 

By the time my midwife and student midwife arrived, things were defiantly underway. On the outside of the pool I had my mum and Zakky helping me bare down with every contraction and on the inside I had myself and my mind to get me through. 

Harlequin was awake by this stage but both the girls were upstairs with Zaks mum. Netflix and drawing were much more exciting then a silent room full of adults and their mum floating around in a pool they weren’t allowed to play in.

The 'transition’ stage of labour is the most confronting place I’ll ever go to. It really is such a measure of my mental strength. And I will forever reflect back on my times of transition through my three labours whenever I need to know what I’m capable of. 

During this whole time I could not have felt more at ease being in my own home. 

The feeling in the room was one of complete serenity. 

Given I was powering through my own personal battle to bring our life in the world, choosing to do it at home meant that it happened in the calmest of ways. 

I distinctly remember opening my eyes after one contraction to see Diaz’s little face peeping over the top of the birth pool. When we locked eyes she gave me a big smile and a double thumbs up. I felt like everyone in the room was rooting for me and the love was pouring in from all directions. 

I pulled Zak into the bath with me not long before Tan was born. Having his strong body support me through my final stages was exactly what I needed. I will forever be amazed at the lengths he will go to when I’m in labour to help me bare my pain. 

He was my rock. 

When she came into the world I scooped her into my arms and we stared at her for a long time before looking down to see what gender she was. 

It was then that Diaz decided to sing her new baby sister 'Happy Birthday’. Quinny filled in with the words that she knew and my heart sung at deciding to have them there. 

Baby Tan was finally here! She turned her head and started nuzzling my crop top and it was then that we had our first feed. Such an amazing thing to watch them, so instinctually, find the nourishment that they need as soon as they are born.

The whole process of birth is such a moving one. I always come away from it feeling so empowered and the fact that I had my third birth in the comfort of my own home only added to that feeling. 

It was absolutely the right choice for us and one we couldn’t be happier with.

❤️ https://amorematerna.tumblr.com/post/159748057125/homesweethomebirth

Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma,

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

Photo by Megan Hancock Photography

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself, letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom andcommunicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

To learn more, visit: LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

 

Get a 10% discount on your Sleepod purchases ataskrembla.com

-use the code SWEETHOME to get your discount. 

Doula's Own Birth Story of Success After Infertility & Complications At Home

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

Emmerson Henry’s Birth Story

We knew from our experience trying to conceive Jameson we would have to seek medical assistance again. LRMCs policy is you have to try for a year before they will help. We started trying right away after Jameson was born knowing it would take awhile and we wanted the kids to be close in age. At the end of April, Wes left for a deployment and wouldn’t return again until the end of November. We picked up right where we left off since “deployment babies” are a real thing. Unfortunately we were still not successful so we decided to seek medical assistance. I knew exactly what I needed so there was no fighting them this time. They found I wasn’t ovulating so I had to start the weaning process. I slowly cut back how many times I breastfed Jameson throughout the day until we reached the magic number (am & pm feeding) that would bring back ovulation. I did 5 rounds of Clomid and had every side effect in the book. My OB decided since we were getting ready to move to Texas and I wouldn’t have anyone to monitor me, that would be our last round.

Although we really wanted the Clomid to work, and the kids were only getting older, making the age gap bigger, I was glad to take a break. All the side effects from the Clomid made me feel awful. I was an angry ball of emotions and with my anxiety on top of that, it was ugly. I wanted to yell, or cry, all the time, there was no in between. Taking a break was just what I needed. I had even told Wes that when were ready to try for #4, I would prefer to just try without being on medications because I couldn’t do this again. So that’s what we agreed on for when the time is right to try again.

The beginning of November we flew to Texas to buy a car and our house. Wes would have to be back in Germany in 10 days to finish out processing and bring Sister (our dog) back to Texas with him. The kids and I drove back to CA with my dad to spend Thanksgiving with family. I had brought my favorite pair of jeans with me and at one point I gave them to my sister because I couldn’t button them anymore. I was assuming it was just all the stress and American food I had been eating making me fat. Jameson was still nursing maybe once a day at this point, usually in the morning because I was so exhausted and it was something that would give me an extra 30 minutes of sleep. One morning he crawled into bed with me to nurse, and made and awful gagging sound and told me “this is nasty milk, I no like it.” That was the end of our 22 months of breastfeeding.

Wes’ mom and I made the drive back to Texas right after Thanksgiving to meet Wes. I was more tired than normal but decided it was probably from all the stress and moving through so many time zones over such a short period. Every time we passed a Starbucks I was getting a coffee and every time we filled the car up with gas, I was getting 2 Monster energy drinks. At one point I told Stacy “you watch this is going to be the month I got pregnant and this kid is going to come out on a caffeine high.” We laughed and she said not to get my hopes up. Once we got back to San Antonio, and got settled in the hotel, we decided to go get a few things, important things, like shampoo and margarita mix, at Walmart because after 26 hours in a car with 2 kids, margarita mix is important. As we stood there staring at the margarita mix, I figured it was a good idea to grab a pregnancy test since I was a few days late.

We get back to the hotel and I immediately go hide in the bathroom with my tests. We weren’t telling Maddy yet just in case it was negative so I had to be quick about it. I peed on this stick and it immediately revealed I was pregnant. I yelled out “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!” And Stacy yelled back “IT IS SHUT” and I said “No! Shut the front door!” She came in and I shoved the stick at her and she laughed. Because what perfect timing, or something. We were homeless, living in a hotel for who knows how much longer, in a new city, with a car we just bought that wasn’t going to work anymore because now we needed something bigger.

I was planning to tell Wes when he got in later that night but the airlines stuff got screwed up and he ended up having to drive from BWI because of Sister. When he called to tell me what was going on, I said to him “so the car we just bought, isn’t going to fit us for long.” It took him a minute but he figured it out. Although exhausted from his travels and fighting with the airlines, he was excited.

It didn’t sink in that I was really pregnant for a few hours. I remember going back to look at the test thinking it wasn’t real. I did decide to take another test the next morning. It was still positive. The feeling of excitement was mixed with the feeling of fear. As hard as we tried and as much as I wanted to be pregnant, I was terrified I would have a repeat of Jameson’s birth. I knew I had to make sure that didn’t happen to me, to us, again.

We announced officially about a week later. I was roughly 6 weeks pregnant. We ended up driving to Oklahoma for a few days until the final paperwork to our house was ready to be signed. While we were there, I started having really bad lower back pain. One morning I ended up in so much pain I couldn’t move without crying. We went to the Emergency Room and since I had no confirmation of my pregnancy other than two home tests, they did an ultrasound. The Dr in the ER kept looking and looking and said that he wasn’t finding anything. I was holding my breath the entire time. He finally said that he saw something but it wasn’t an 8 week old fetus. Of course I was imagining the worst, that the baby stopped growing and I was miscarrying. He ordered some blood work and another ultrasound with the actual ultrasound clinic.

When the ultrasound tech came and got me, I was on the verge of tears and shaking, I couldn’t get past the feeling that something was wrong. All my doula training had prepared me for this, but I had also become more educated in the things that could go wrong, and Wes wasn’t allowed to go back with me. The tech had me get on the table and I asked her if I would be able to watch. She told me that because it was an order from the ER she wouldn’t be able to let me. So I laid there while she did the ultrasound. Then she turned the screen JUST enough so I could see and said 8 weeks! I lost it on the table. The tears just started flowing and I couldn’t stop. She didn’t know what to do besides get me a wash cloth to wipe my face and ask if these were happy tears. I explained all that we had been through and that yes, these were happy tears, that I was just terrified something was wrong. She wasn’t able to print a picture for Wes but at least she let me see for myself to confirm that there was in fact a baby there. I ended up just have a very strained muscle and had to take medication for almost 2 weeks to get back to feeling like myself.

Once we finally got in our house and started to get settled I knew we would have to do something soon as I had not had any prenatal care up until this point. I joined all the mom pages and asked questions about how the military hospitals were in regards to natural labor and I was far from impressed. I knew I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t have a repeat. I was prepared to have an unassisted home delivery, even if it had to be an accident. Wes was not keen on the idea of a homebirth, he had always said no, that it wasn’t something he felt comfortable with. At 12 weeks into our pregnancy, he decided that he would be willing to talk to a few midwives in the area about the differences between a birth center birth and a homebirth.

I lined up interviews with 3 different midwives. The first one ended up convincing him that a homebirth was the right fit for our family. The second midwife was great and seemed like she was going to be the one for us. I almost cancelled our meeting with midwife number three because I was ready to sign contract with the second one. Wes told me to keep the meeting and just see what we think. Midwife #3, Sam, ended up being the one for us. We hit it off right away. She was just the right amount of crunchy granola for me.

In the weeks to follow, I shared my experience with Jameson’s birth with her and how upset it made me. I think she realized then how much I needed to be in control this time around, that I was looking at this experience as something that would help heal the trauma. All of our check-ups were at our house with the kids and Wes. We were able to hear the baby and ask questions every time. Every time, everything was great and progressing fabulously.

We did our 20 week ultrasound when my parents were here for their visit so they could stay with the kids. The appointment was abnormally long because the baby wasn’t cooperating. After almost an hour and a half, they sealed the gender shot in an envelope (Wes saw on the screen but I was turned away) so I could have it for later. We ended up having to do a repeat u/s because they couldn’t see the left ventricular output of the heart. We did the follow-up because we wanted to make sure everything was perfect since we would be doing this at home.

I had been off my anxiety meds since I was about 14 weeks, and doing more natural methods to keep it controlled. Although the risks are small, there is a chance the baby can be born addicted and have issues at the birth. We decided that as long as I could handle being off of them, that was the best route to take. Sometime between our ultrasound and Easter, I had an emotional breakdown. I was not feeling emotionally connected with this baby. I had an anterior placenta (located more towards the front) so I wasn’t feeling the baby move, which really wasn’t helping me connect. I was feeling like I wasn’t going to be a good enough mom to be a mom of three kids. The feeling of disconnect wasn’t something I was used to feeling. I love being pregnant but this time something was just off. Maybe it was because of Jameson’s birth or all the stress of moving or not knowing the gender or being able to call him/her by name. Wes ended up telling me the gender on Easter morning with my Easter basket.

Bonding after knowing the gender seemed to be a little easier. I still had my fears that I wasn’t going to be able to love this baby enough, that I wasn’t going to be able to connect after he was born, and I was really afraid I would develop postpartum depression. Once we got a little more settled in our home and things started to get into a routine, I started feeling okay. It wasn’t until I started feeling him move on a regular basis that I was really able to connect emotionally with the fact that I was really pregnant and that this was really happening. As my belly got bigger and more round, I looked “legit pregnant” so Britany said and started feeling like my normal pregnant self.

Since my water broke early with Jameson, Sam had me on lots of vitamins to make sure my amniotic sac was strong to decrease the risk of it breaking prematurely again. We also decided that since I was fairly active with my last pregnancy, that I should be on limited activity at least until it was safe for me to deliver at home. This was easier than I expected it to be especially since I hadn’t made any friends yet and it was really hot and really humid every day. It was easy to stay inside the nice, cool, air-conditioned house except for trips to Costco on the weekend.

Wes and I decided it would be a good idea if someone was here when the baby was born. We knew I would need to rely on him when I was in labor and that we should have someone in case we ended up needing to do a hospital transfer. It was important to me to know that the kids would be taken care of if we had to get in the car/ambulance and go. I wanted to know that Wes would be able to go with me, not have to stay behind with the kids. Stacy ended up being able to rearrange her schedule to arrive on the 22nd of July. My official “due date” was the 28th. We decided not to announce the due date on social media since really the due date is more of a guess date and on the off chance I went past my date, I didn’t want to be asked every day if the baby was here yet.

At our 36 week appointment, Sam cleared us for our home birth. We were able to order our birth kit that contained all the tools Sam would need at the birth. She brought the birth tub over and told us how to set it all up. We kept up with our weekly appointments, checking on me and baby and making sure everything was good. I was very relieved on the 22nd when Stacy arrived and I was still pregnant. With an exception of it being hard to sleep, I was actually feeling great, like I could be pregnant for several more weeks.

On July 25th, while Stacy had taken the kids shopping, Wes blew up the birth pool and I climbed inside and cleaned it. The sides were a lot sturdier than I expected and the padded bottom was awesome. Once it was all cleaned and ready, I pushed it aside where it would sit for a few more days. I tried to rest as much as possible to allow my body to get ready for labor. I spent a few minutes several times a day sitting on the floor stretching and doing deep squats to help get baby in the optimal position for delivery.

On Thursday the 28th, I was feeling great, with an exception of having a sore throat. Jameson and Wes had been sick for a week or so and I managed not to get it until I woke up with a sore throat. I had been asking Wes to move his tools and misc. stuff into the garage for a few days and since it was still there, I finally decided to move it myself so I could vacuum the floor. Then all the fire alarms in the house started going off and we couldn’t figure out why. The neighbor ended up coming over to check on us to make sure everything was okay and told us how to shut them off. Then we checked for smoke in every room, garage, and attic before deciding that one of the detectors was faulty. After all that excitement, we decided to get out of the house while I was still feeling good and go to Sam’s Club to get some groceries, Hobby Lobby to get an ink pad to do footprints, and HEB for what we couldn’t get at Sam’s. We all got up and dressed and ready to go. Thursday was my due date. This would make the first time I ever reached 40 weeks pregnant. I was still feeling like I could go for another two plus weeks.

As we were walking through Sam’s Club, I started feeling tightenings. I was thinking they were just braxton hicks contractions, it was hot and maybe I hadn’t been drinking enough. So I was chugging my water while we were walking. They were still coming but they were very easy to ignore. Since my labors are short (when I’m not on ridiculous amounts of Pitocin) I decided I should probably time them just in case I was ignoring something that was real. They were about every 5-10 minutes but weren’t very strong. We were able to finish our shopping, even bought 2 pineapples for me to eat to make sure things kept going. We got home around 4pm and I text Sam just to give her a heads up that something was going on. I had dinner at 4:30 just in case I went into real labor and didn’t feel like eating. By 5:30 pm, my contractions were about every 4-5 minutes apart, but still not very painful. Around 6:30pm I ate almost an entire pineapple with whip cream until my mouth was hurting and I couldn’t eat anymore.

At around 7pm, Sam had me time a few contractions all the way through, they were coming about every 4 minutes and lasting just over a minute. They were enough to be a nuisance but not painful. She kept asking if I could talk through them but I reminded her that I could talk through Pitocin contractions so that wasn’t something we should judge my labor off of. We talked about me checking my own cervix and I tried it out. From my estimation, I was about 4 cm dilated but I wasn’t familiar with effacement so she said when she came to check on baby, she would check me and explain it to me. Wes, Stacy, and I sat and played a few games of Sequence while I bounced and rotated my hips on my birth ball while we waited on Sam.

Sam arrived around midnight and checked on baby and took my blood pressure and everything then we decided to do a cervical check. She said I was about 3-4 cm dilated and about 60% effaced. Then she explained to me how to check for effacement so I could do it the next time. Since my contractions were so mild, she ordered me to take 2 Tylenol PM (since I had been taking this to help me sleep anyway) and to go to bed. I took my PM around 1-1:30am and went right to bed.

The first time I woke up to contractions was at 3am. I was able to get up and go pee and go back to sleep for about another hour. At 4:15 I was up again but this time I knew there was no going back to sleep. I wasn’t able to lay still anymore so I decided to just get up. I went into the bathroom and started a hot bath to help me relax so I could rest some more, and shave my legs, because that’s important. While the tub filled up, I went pee again and this time had a small amount of bloody show. I was able to rest in the bathtub until almost 6am.

I got out of the bath tub and did another check. I was a solid 4 cm, if not a 5 and about 70% effaced. I was also starting to feel my bag of waters bulging. I went and laid down for a little longer with pillows propped between my legs to keep my pelvis open. After about 30 minutes of laying like this, I was starting to get more and more uncomfortable. It finally got to the point where I couldn’t sit my legs still anymore and I was tossing and turning and having to breathe through the contractions. I got out of bed and went into the living room so Wes could keep sleeping. Everyone was still sleeping at this point. I got my small peanut ball, blanket, and cell phone and headed to the couch. I was sitting on the ball in a deep squat and leaning against the couch so I could keep resting. The peanut ball was great, I’ve used it with several of my clients but have never been able to use it myself. I was able to roll the ball and my hips left to right during contractions keeping in that deep squat position that really applies baby to the cervix while keeping your hips and pelvis open. I laughed, because I realized I was doula’ing myself.

From my ball by the couch, I heard the sound of morning happening in our house. I heard Wes get up and call in to work to tell them he wouldn’t be going in, Jameson knocking on grandmas door, Maddison waking up, and everyone coming downstairs. At 8:30 I went to the bathroom I remembered thinking if I had one more contraction on the toilet I was going to die.  Those contractions were the most uncomfortable. I text Sam asking when we should fill up the pool. She said when I can’t stand the contractions anymore or when I feel my cervix is paper thin and very dilated. I’m so glad I went with my gut on this one. 9:15am She text me and asked that in the next hour can I check myself again so she had a better idea of where I was at. I know cervical checks don’t determine labor progression but with my history it typically does. She explained that she didn’t want to slow me down by showing up too early. I was in the shower for probably half an hour. I washed my hair and worked through several pretty good contractions that had me leaning on the shower wall breathing and swaying my hips through them. At this point I was roughly 5-6cm dilated and about 80-90% effaced. At about 9:30 we talked again that my contractions were coming harder now but I still wasn’t ready for her to come. I was in the bathroom doing my make up between contractions. I text my photographer at 9:40 to tell her that things were picking up and she should probably head this way. I thought I was giving her plenty of time. At 9:52am, I sent Sam a text that read “Cervix is pretty thin. Contractions pretty hard, not so funny anymore, bloody mucus. You should probably head this way.”

I moved from the bathroom where I had just finished up my make up to the bed while Wes was filling the pool with hot water. I tried some laying down and then hands and knees on the bed. Stacy was sitting with me and we were talking and laughing at me curling my toes with every contraction. I really didn’t want to be in the bed, I was scared my water was going to break and we didn’t have anything down to protect the bed.  I decided to get off the bed and go check on the progress of the tub and go be social in the front room. I made it to the end of the bed and decided the carpeted floor looked fantastic. I got on my elbows and kneeled with my knees really far apart so my belly was almost resting on the floor and had several contractions. Sam text at 10:15 that she was on her way. Wes started setting up the live feed for our family and friends on Facebook while I worked through more contractions on the bedroom floor. When Wes came in the bedroom to tell me he was getting it set up I asked him if there was only hot water in the pool. He said yes and asked if I wanted him to start adding cold water so I could get in. YES GOD YES. I needed to get in the pool.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

I stayed in the bedroom while he switched the hose to the cold spout and he brought me some coconut pineapple water, which tasted awful, so I wouldn’t get dehydrated. I drank sitting up and resumed my contraction position every time I felt one coming on. He finally said that the pool was cool enough now that I could get in. I sat up and was getting ready to get off the floor when another contraction came. I was in an awkward position so that contraction was super uncomfortable. He helped me off the floor after that contraction and I got in the pool. It was great. It slowed the contractions and their intensity just enough for me to rest for a bit.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

The front room was loud and bright and Wes couldn’t figure out where to set the iPad so the people watching would have a good view. Once he got that figured out and set up, my contractions started picking up again. They weren’t as close as they were on the bedroom floor, but it was dark and quiet in there. I had Wes get my headphones and I plugged it into my phone and turned on some music to help drown everyone out. A song or two later and my contractions were back and rolling in one after another. I was feeling great, leaning over the side of the pool, on my knees, rocking my hips back and forth during each contraction. I remember telling myself that the vibration of the deep moaning worked as a distraction so that’s what I was doing.  One ear bud fell out and I remember thinking I should put that back in but I really didn’t care. I had one ear listening to music and the other listening to everyone else.

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I was reading the comments on our live feed between contractions and then all the sudden around 11am, my phone hit the ground and I was really vocalizing through my contractions and still swaying my hips. I didn’t know it but Stacy had been timing my contractions for a while and they were coming pretty quickly now. The photographer showed up right at 11am and I was doing another cervical exam so Wes could text Sam. He picked up the phone and Sam had text at 10:59 saying she was almost there. I was 10 cm & 100% effaced, I could feel his head maybe 2 inches from “crowning” position. My contractions were starting to come back to back. I was feeling a bit pushy but something was telling me to wait until Sam arrived. I was resisting the urge to push.

I had a break in contractions after he text Sam and I reminded Wes to check the live feed since it only allows 2 hours of recording at a time. It was only just over an hour of video so far. My body was resting, I was in those brief moments of pause and rest before things got serious. Then when they came back my deep moans were mixed with deep owwwwwwwwwwwwchhhhhhhh. I was starting to feel like Sam wasn’t going to make it. I told Stacy she should probably get the stack of towels out of the bedroom and bring them out just in case. JUST as I was getting ready to scream “Where the fuck is Sam?!” Sam walked through the door at 11:07am. I knew I hadn’t eaten anything in a while, since 4:30pm the night before, and I didn’t want to run out of energy so I had Wes bring me a spoonful of honey, which was disgusting, but it was enough sugar to level me out and get me feeling good again.

Sam was able to get all her things set up and sterilized while I rested and worked through the contractions. She talked to me while she was getting set up and asked about baby and made sure I was still feeling good movement, which I was. After my next long contraction she checked baby’s heart rate and my pulse, all I could think of was how nice it was to not be fussed with during a contraction. While Sam was checking on us, Stacy and Wes got the pool back up to the right temperature. The pool has to be a certain temperature so baby doesn’t take a breath under water. I was throughly enjoying the cool water but knew it needed to be warmer for baby.

I was definitely in that resting period of transition now. My next long contraction and they were still adding the hot water. I could feel it swirling around me and it was making me nauseous. As soon as I heard Stacy say it was in the right temperature bracket I said, “Oh that’s enough hot water!!” and it was turned off. Stacy asked Wes about restarting the live feed and they talked about why he should do it now. He agreed and reset it which threw everyone watching for a loop.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

I had one more good contraction and Wes was trying to give me another spoonful of honey but there was no way I could manage that. It was that contraction at 11:25am when I said I couldn’t resist the urge to push anymore. I was concentrating on my deep vocalization and Sam reminding me to breathe. The next contraction was the most intense out of all of them. I could feel the pressure everywhere, my whole body was swaying and my moaning was very loud at this point and then I felt it. I felt my amniotic sac burst, it was a very thick bag, there was no mistaking it. It burst mid contraction and I growled “OH I think my water just broke” and went right back into my deep moaning. It was 11:26 when my water broke. Then the pressure was centralized. My breathing was a little uneven as I was trying to recover from that contraction. Sam was telling me to breathe, to get oxygen all the way to my babies toes. Being in the pool really helped because I was able to blow on the water and watch it ripple and that really helped slow down my breathing. Sam, so calm kept talking me through my breathing and all I could think of was “shut up I AM breathing!!!” *lol sorry Sam*

Then my body rested again. At 11:28, my next contraction started and I was pushing, Sam was behind me, Stacy and the kids were in front and Wes was holding my hand. 17 seconds into that push and his head was out. I remember kneeling there with his head in one hand and Wes holding my other. I could feel his little face, his nose, eyes, mouth. It seemed like time was standing still. I couldn’t see what I was feeling but I knew what it was. It was the longest moment of my life. 11 seconds after his head was in my hand, his shoulders were out and I looked down and yelled cord. In those 11 seconds before I cried for help, I released Wes’ hand and reached down and slipped my finger under the cord and tried to slip it over his head. I’ve seen lots of births, I wasn’t panicked, it was like I was trained to stay calm and remember what to do. The cord was too short and too tight for me to do anything. As soon as I yelled out cord, Sam came around the pool. Stacy and the kids got out of the way quickly to make room for Sam. My body was trying to push again I knew I couldn’t let the baby come out any further because he was tangled and the cord was too short. To keep from pushing I yelled out “the cord!” again and I could hear Sam saying she was there. She was also unsuccessful at getting the cord off. She ended up having to jackknife his body. She flipped his head upwards towards my belly and his abdomen and the rest of him followed and she tumbled him up into my arms. 20 seconds. All of that took 20 seconds from the first time I called out cord. Emmerson Henry was born at 11:29am and he was perfect.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

Everything that happened after that was a blur. I was lost in my new baby. The feeling of oh my god we did it, I’m not broken, my body IS capable of this, took over. Sam kept asking if I was ok and how I was feeling and made sure I knew that if I started feeling bad that she needed to know. I felt fantastic, tired from the 2 hrs of sleep after taking Tylenol PM, but fantastic. When Sam checked me, she noted that I had a bit of bleeding and that the umbilical cord was already pretty white and had stopped pulsing so it had probably broke off when we untangled him. We were going to monitor it and if it didn’t stop, she would give me a shot of Pitocin, but wanted to wait because she knew I didn’t want it. The bleeding didn’t stop, it wasn’t a lot of bleeding but it was enough that Sam wanted to make sure it didn’t get out of control so she gave me a small shot of Pitocin, even though I gave her a nasty face. OH MY GOD! That shot in my arm was the most painful part of everything.

It had probably been 20-30 minutes since delivery although it only felt like 5 and my placenta still hadn’t come yet. This is pretty abnormal for me since mine usually come within 10 minutes. She had me push a few times even though I wasn’t feeling that crampy urge and still no placenta. She tried to give a little bit of counter pressure on one of the final attempts of me pushing it out but stopped when she felt it tearing. Sam talked to us about cutting the cord and getting me out. I really wanted to wait until after the placenta was born to cut the cord so it broke my heart a little bit that it needed to be cut before then. I know had I declined Sam would have figured it out and made it work but I’m a reasonable person. I could look at the pool and see the amount of bleeding that had happened and although I still felt fine, I didn’t want to risk a hospital transfer so I agreed to have it cut. I watched her lift him up and hand him to Wes. I didn’t want to let him go.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

Once Emmerson was successfully handed off to Wes, Sam wanted me out of the pool. Since the amount of blood I had lost was slightly more than normal, she helped me slowly get out of the pool to make sure I wasn’t dizzy. I stopped at the end of the pool and leaned against it trying to decide how I was going to climb out and my placenta fell out into the pool. She got me the rest of the way out and I laid on the floor, which was awful on my back, for what seemed like forever. Sam fished my placenta out of the pool and we found out the reason for the bleeding, I had undiagnosed velamentous cord insertion and it was likely one or more of the vessels broke when my water broke and we untangled him from the cord.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

After what seemed like forever, I was asking for my baby back. My uterus was going back to normal and my bleeding was stopped so I was granted one whole baby. As they were getting ready to hand him down to me, I ripped my bra off so I could nurse him for the first time. It’s very difficult to nurse laying flat on your back but we managed to make it work. A bit later, I was begging to get off the floor because my back was killing me. I was released from the torture that was the floor and was able to get on the couch. I laid on my side and was able to keep Emmerson either latched or doing skin-to-skin. Wes brought me a chocolate pudding and spoon fed me for all my hard work. I was starving so he brought me an English Muffin with peanut butter.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

Wes and Stacy drained the pool and threw the liner in the trash so they could deflate it and put it away. After all was said and done, I was ready to get up and shower so I could clean up a little bit. Sam came to help me get up and found Emmerson left her a nice sticky meconium mess, all over me, him, and the robe that was covering us. After she got him cleaned up, she handed him off to Stacy so she could help me in the bathroom. It was a super quick shower, my hair was still wet from the shower I had taken that morning so I didn’t bother even taking it out of my bun until after. I got out and put on some comfortable clothes and climbed into bed so we could do the initial newborn tests and get his stats. He was 7 pounds 7 oz and 20.75 inches long.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

I nursed him again and we made the round of phone calls to all of our grandparents to let them know it was a boy and what his stats were and did a bit of FaceTiming. Once all was said and done it was time to recheck me. Everything was still in one piece except for a tiny “skid mark” from when Sam had to jackknife him out but that didn’t even require stitches which I’m glad because she would have had a hard time convincing me I really needed stitches in my lady bits. We went over taking Emmerson’s temperature throughout the night and when to call Sam if we had a small issue and what issues were serious and to call her on the way to the emergency room.

After our run down of when to call who, we gave hugs and exchanged thank yous and Sam started packing up. Wes took the baby because I needed to get up and walk around and I was famished so I walked myself to the kitchen. I heated up a giant enchilada and shoved my face. It was delicious even though Sam yelled at me for getting up and getting it myself. We hugged one more time as she carried her last bag to the car. I was a little sad to watch her leave because that meant it was over. We spent so much time preparing and it was over SO quickly, more quickly than I expected.

It was so nice to be able to spend the evening as a family bonding and letting the kids hold their new brother. Maddison was all about holding him every moment she got but it took Jameson quite some time before he really wanted to interact with him. He didn’t really get into Emmerson until it was time for him to go to bed and then and only then was he ready to hold him. Excuses to get out of going to bed on time aren’t usually accepted but we made an exception just this once and it was totally worth it to see the smile on his face.

That night although we didn’t get much sleep, it was amazing. Wes didn’t have to leave for the night and we were able to sleep in our own bed. We also co-slept with Emmerson and didn’t have to hear anyone come in and yell at us for doing so or telling us that we were going to harm our baby because we had him in our bed.

All in all, our homebirth experience was great. We had a few bumps in the road and had to deviate from my plan a little bit, but Sam always made sure I was informed with what was going on and in the end everything was my decision. I never felt out of control of my body or overpowered by contractions. I can honestly say I wouldn’t describe my labor as painful, intense, yes, but never painful. I will forever be grateful for our homebirth experience. It reminded me that I am the one in control of my body and capable of doing what my body was made to do.

After our run down of when to call who, we gave hugs and exchanged thank yous and Sam started packing up. Wes took the baby because I needed to get up and walk around and I was famished so I walked myself to the kitchen. I heated up a giant enchilada and shoved my face. It was delicious even though Sam yelled at me for getting up and getting it myself. We hugged one more time as she carried her last bag to the car. I was a little sad to watch her leave because that meant it was over. We spent so much time preparing and it was over SO quickly, more quickly than I expected.

Image by Andrea Garcia of FInal Touch Photography

It was so nice to be able to spend the evening as a family bonding and letting the kids hold their new brother. Maddison was all about holding him every moment she got but it took Jameson quite some time before he really wanted to interact with him. He didn’t really get into Emmerson until it was time for him to go to bed and then and only then was he ready to hold him. Excuses to get out of going to bed on time aren’t usually accepted but we made an exception just this once and it was totally worth it to see the smile on his face.

The photographer is  Andrea Garcia of    https://www.facebook.com/FinalTouchPhotographyAndrea/ and the videos will be from the Facebook live feature. My IG is creatoroftinyhumans and doula_done_wright and FB is Caitlin wright.

Photo by Megan Hancock Photography

Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma,

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself, letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom andcommunicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

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Stumped for the perfect present to give proud parents and their minis? Wondering about gifting you and your baby with something real special? Go luxury and personalized. Indulge yourself or the new mom, dad and baby!

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Their website is filled with top quality, adorable and unique baby gift sets ideas that will excite and touch your loved ones' hearts. They have a wide selection of high quality soft and cozy 100% cotton products such as Blankets/Swaddles, Hooded Towels, Bodysuits, Bibs, Burb cloths, Baby Mitts and more; they also have a broad range of premium internationally recognized brand add-ons like California Baby’s Premium Naturally Based Skin Care Products for baby and mommy - which contain certified organic and sustainably grown vegan ingredients (made by an eco-friendly FDA registered and organic certified manufacturing facility) and luxurious L'Occitane, Sophie the Giraffe - made of natural rubber from the Hevea tree, Manhattan Toy - famous developmental toys, and lots more. Check them out for yourself!

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Photo by Megan Hancock Photography

Photo by Megan Hancock Photography

Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma,

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself,letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom andcommunicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy

To learn more, visit: LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

How To Manage 'Pain' of Normal Labor at Home

Photo by@yreindelphotography.

“Undisturbed birth does not imply that birth will be pain-free. The stress hormones released in birth are equivalent to those of an endurance athlete, which reflects the magnitude of this event, and explains some of the sensations of birth. And like a marathon runner, a woman’s task in birth is not so much to avoid the pain – which usually makes it worse – but to realize that birth is a peak bodily performance, for which our bodies are superbly designed. Undisturbed birth gives us the space to follow our instincts and to find our own rhythm in an atmosphere of support and trust, which will also help to optimize our birth hormones, aiding us further in transmuting pain.” – Sarah Buckley, MD., Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering. (link to Sarah’s blog here: http://sarahbuckley.com/category/blog)

You may have had a similar experience to the one I share: Being given Pitocin to make my labor progress more quickly, and then an epidural– as I could not take the pain of the stronger sensations from the medication, lying on my back, attached to continuous monitors and intravenous fluids, without any labor support or doula.  I was in my early twenties back then.  I didn’t ask many questions and assumed this was standard procedure when bringing life into this world. And I was an obstetric nurse on the unit where I was laboring! This was what I saw and thought was routine.

Also, statistically, these are very common practices. However, no one shared with me the opportunity to have a natural, undisturbed, well supported childbirth. There was no online information or many books about it available to me back then, and because I didn’t have anyone in my life talking to me about intuitive pregnancy and birth as a normal physiologic process, I thought I was covering all my bases when I was eating healthy, exercising, attending all my check-ups, tests, screenings, and taking Lamaze.

They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears….

…and perhaps I was not yet ready to dive into myself…. And let go…. I was so young, and scared by what I saw in the hospital and heard from others.

This blog post focuses on the mindset around ‘pain’ during labor and childbirth, as well as my perspective on managing it in an out-of-hospital birth setting.

Photo by @alwaysmatilda_katie

What do you do at home if a mom can’t take the pain of labor and wants an epidural? How do you manage pain at home?

In all my years as a homebirth midwife I have not once had to transfer a mama to the hospital for epidural or pain meds because she could not cope with the sensations of normal labor. Not once.

It is not because women who have home births have different bodies and no intensive sensations. It is largely the mindset, the language we use, the attitude, the preparation in advance, and how the mamas are cared for and supported in labor.

I was always terribly frightened about pain after my experience giving birth to my first two babies on the obstetric unit where I worked as a nurse - one in the operating room while I was waiting alone for over an hour, waiting for the assistant surgeon to come perform an emergency cesarean because my baby’s heart rate dropped dangerously from the medications. My baby was miraculously fine (so much for the accuracy of the monitoring, as there was no emergency after all; so much for feeling safe in a hospital that took over an hour to rescue my baby from the emergency stress they allegedly caused), but I was not fine. That and my similarly handled second birth were the most traumatic experiences ever.

When I woke up and went to midwifery school and began to heal from my own birth traumas, I was still petrified of the pain and wanted to see if the wimp I considered myself to be could do it without an epidural. I wanted midwifery and natural birth to work for me to be authentic about providing that kind of care.

I told my fears to my midwife and she validated me. She also reassured me she was confident I could do it naturally as I was now with a midwife and my care will be very different - I would be eating and drinking, upright, moving and vocalizing freely, and would be more empowered, supported, and encouraged to trust my body’s ability to give birth; She was sure I would surprise myself.

She was so right. I felt so healed and like a superstar after my next two babies were born without epidural or any pain meds, just loving excellent midwifery care and encouragement to tap into my own capacities and strength as a woman.

Photo by @birth_unscripted

Being in the water helped. Movement and moaning helped. But a complete shift in mindset and perspective was key, as was my preparation.  I learned to use different language for the sensations of labor, instead of pain which implies illness and something that needs to be remedied, and to see them for what they were. I learned to use other words for contractions, which imply tension and negativity, and the word contraction is not empowering, and does not fully explain what is happening.  Yes, the top of the uterus contracts so the birth canal can open and expand, as well as push out my baby. So expansions are also happening in labor – that is really the goal of what I am doing – expanding so my baby can emerge from my womb to the outside world, and we can both be birthed as a new mother and baby.

Suffering is a choice. And I chose to embrace my intense sensations for what they were, as healthy signs, what was needed to birth, what my baby needed to transition earth side - not that anything was wrong.

They came in waves with a delicious rest in between and I kept staying in the now. My yoga and mindfulness helped me calm myself, witness and get curious about the sensations, to release and dive right into them without fighting them, and notice that most of my body actually felt fine.  I also noticed that when more relaxed, the labor was easier and the sensations were less intense, easier to deal with.

I could do anything for 60-90 seconds, every few minutes at the maximum. I also felt confident with the support I had - and the peak intensity was only at the peak of the wave in later stages of labor, when the waves are at their most intense, closest interval and longest duration. Prior to that, they are shorter, less frequent and not as strong – so even more manageable. Later labor I knew was a relatively short period of time, and as indication that my baby would be born soon. So, that's the kind of care I provide and encourage others to provide.

Natural hormones for management of labor sensations

Photo by @allisonluciennephotography

“In labor, such high levels [of beta-endorphins] are released and help the laboring woman to transcend pain, as she enters the altered state of consciousness that characterizes an undisturbed birth. In the hours after birth, elevated beta-endorphin levels reward and reinforce mother-baby interactions, including physical contact and breastfeeding, as well as contributing to intensely pleasurable, even ecstatic, feelings for both.” – Sarah Buckley, MD.

Photo by @amoremfocofotografia.

These natural pain-killers are programmed perfectly to release and work with a woman’s body and her baby as she progresses through pregnancy, labor and after-birth.

Beta-endorphins work with another hormone produced naturally, oxytocin, the love hormone, to contract the uterus before and after the baby is born. Physiologically, a birth in which a woman feels safe, heard, supported, loved and undisturbed, a woman’s body is a divine machine that was designed with miraculous and purposeful intent.

Photo by:@senhoritasfotografia.

Although epidurals and other interventions have their place and are beneficial when necessary, routine use of them interferes with the natural tendencies and process of labor, as well as birth and the after-birth period where breastfeeding and bonding between mother and baby are so important.

Can labor and birth actually be pleasurable?

Many women who I have cared for in my practice have used the word “ecstasy” to describe it! I have helped mamas dance, laugh, sing and sensually release their babies out.

Photo by @seasonaldoc.

Just as I have compared some of the experience of labor and birth to that of a marathon runner, feelings of ecstasy can be compared to something similar to a runner’s high. Although birthing your baby is a much more powerful, peak-like experience as you can imagine, this is an experience a woman may only have once or a few times in her life.  

Photo by @hiddenemotionsphotography

“I never thought I would see the day that anyone other than me would describe childbirth as total ecstasy! I know exactly what orgasmic birth is – I have experienced it myself. There is absolutely nothing else on earth like it. There is no moment in a woman’s life when she feels stronger, more capable, more an embodiment of the Divine than when she pushes her child into this world.” – an excerpt provided by Christine B., included in Elizabeth Davis and Debra Pascali-Bonaro’s book, Orgasmic Birth: Your Guide to a Safe, Satisfying, and Pleasurable Birth Experience (link to Debra’s blog here: http://www.debrapascalibonaro.com/blog/). 

Oxytocin is released both during love-making and during labor. There is a deep connection between the love that put baby there and the love that helps baby come out.  It’s the same sensual energy that is needed, in an atmosphere and mindset conducive to it flowing organically…as in making love, as in giving birth.

A woman’s relationship with her body, both sexually and sensually, can be an integrate part of experiencing labor. The contractions and expansions that occur during labor and childbirth are comparable to those of orgasm.

Art of an actual woman after birth by Amanda Greavette

Most of us have grown up with a belief about labor and childbirth, one in which it has to be painful. We hold a vision in our mind of a pregnant woman, screaming in pain, wearing a hospital gown, with her legs up in the air, an obstetrician and nurses taking over – doing all sorts of emergency care on the laboring mother. That is what we are told by many others who have given birth in many hospital settings for the last few generations.

Even if it’s just something we’ve seen in the movies, it would lead anyone to sign up for an epidural without question.  No wonder there is a prevalent fear and lack of self confidence.

However, it is possible to embrace and lean into the sensations of labor, rather than fear them or try to escape them. It is possible to birth with joy, and even sensual pleasure.

When a woman prepares for this process, she can feel the momentum that labor provides. She can be guided by her own intuition and the trust of a supportive team around her. Mindset can shift to a positive perspective about the sensations of birth and it’s fully possible to have a birth that leaves a woman feeling empowered, strengthened and deeply satisfied. It is possible for her to feel a sense of bliss like no other, despite the intensity and challenges she may face.

To learn more about ecstatic birthing women and other birthing resources, check out some of the books and movies I love!

Also, this outstanding documentary, Orgasmic Birth here is a must watch!  And I was honored to be in it!

Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma,

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself, letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom and communicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

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