What is a Doula and How to Become One

If you look up the Greek word Doula, it literally means “one who mothers the mother.”

Not too long ago, and still today in some parts of the world, it was commonplace for a pregnant woman to be surrounded by other women during childbearing, childbirth, and even through to many weeks after the birth of the child. Needless to say, a momma welcoming a newborn into her family had plenty of help.

She wouldn’t have to worry about cooking and cleaning, laundry, errands, or even taking care of any children she might already have. Her own mother, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends and other women from maybe the surrounding village would be there to give her time to rest, heal and breastfeed, as well as acclimate to the new life in the family.

To the modern North American woman, this sounds heavenly and, unfortunately, almost unheard of.

Our new mothers today are basically left to fend for themselves with partners usually not having as long a parental leave of absence as the baring mother.

It has also become a custom for families to live quite far away from each other. And, work obligations don’t exactly allow for extended time spent with family or close friends.

Can a doula really work to remedy this grave absence of family and community support? Well, believe it or not, she can do a great deal more!

What Does a Doula Do?

Bearing in mind our modern North American society, having a doula as part of your natural birth (or, really any kind of birth!) becomes not only beneficial to your experience but also crucial to your success.

A doula is basically trained in mothering the mother, in being emotionally supportive as well as providing comfort techniques for a woman in labor. While this may seem like something your OB/GYN, nurse, or midwife can do, this cannot be their focus 100% of the time while you’re in labor. Their primary responsibilities are the health and well-being of mother and baby - the maternity and newborn care, making sure all is well, preventing problems and intervening as needed to ensure safety.

A doula, on the other hand, is completely and solely focused on you and your immediate and ever-changing needs while in labor and even after the baby is born.

Doulas can also bring a significant amount of calm to a natural birth. While many may doubt or worry, it’s a doula’s job to keep the mother focused on what her goals are. And, success rates are high!

She can do seemingly little but very important things like encourage you when you doubt yourself and remind you of your strength. She can massage your shoulders, provide helpful back or pelvic pressure, give you a warm or cool washcloth where you need it; she can remind you and your partner to eat, drink, rest, take a walk, get into the bath or shower, and also help you get into positions that can ease labor.  

An experienced doula will know what mothering and labor support to give you. Your doula can crack open a window for you when it gets too hot, hold your hand, breathe with you when you need to relax and ground yourself, as well as vocalize with you according to your natural sounds - this helps reinforce your own coping rituals.

A doula is a huge asset to you!

Photo by @senhoritasfotografia.

While a doula is not hired in order to replace a partner—not at all!—she is there to bring comfort to nerves, doubts, and fears. These feelings have no place in a delivery room and a doula can help keep everyone calm and provide a sense of normalcy, compassionate support and love to every intimidating step of the process.

A wonderful doula knows when to step in, and when to give you and your partner privacy and encourage slow dancing and love making.

A doula doesn’t make decisions for a mother and her partner. While she may suggest certain circumstances or ideas based off of what she knows of the parents and their goals, her only objective is to coach a mother through what the mother has already decided she wants for her childbirth.

A doula can, on the other hand, advocate for a mother, making sure that the new parents’ goals are respected and met even while the mom might be in labor and unable to advocate for herself. She can help a mom prenatally find resources to make informed decisions and formulate her birth preferences.

A doula’s duties don’t stop after delivery! Postpartum doulas can help to manage house while the new mother gets some oh-so-sorely-needed rest.

A doula can run errands, keep the home tidy and neat, even look after any other young ones a momma might have. Also, most postpartum doulas are well trained in the care of newborn babies and can assist with breastfeeding and the like.

A doula is there to provide you with resources and recommendations, support and a voice, and, most essentially, the tender loving care  and nurturing that a new mom needs.

The Benefits of Having a Doula

It’s very easy for us to overlook and take for granted the extensive amount of benefits there are in receiving something as simple as help or support. While receiving that help and support merely sounds nice, there is actually an impressive amount of scientific research that supports the real and profound benefits of having a doula.

There’s a great amount of emotional and mental advantages to having a doula, namely a mother’s self-confidence and –esteem. Her ability to cope well with a natural birth as well as to maintain positive feelings surrounding the pregnancy is greatly increased.

There is also, however, significant benefits that have to do with the actual physical health of the mother and baby! It is, indeed, no surprise that emotional and mental health are directly tied to physical health.

Having a doula has proven to promote shorter and easier labors, an easier time adapting to motherhood with enhanced skills as well as less postpartum depression which is huge!

The support of a doula can actually decrease the need for invasive interventions like cesarean, medications, or using forceps and the like for delivery. Babies are also reported to be in much healthier states, have increased breastfeeding success, with less rates of intensive care when the mother has had a doula.

I, myself, always recommend moms have a doula or doula-like support person, and my rate of women needing to be transferred to a hospital is as little as 7%. And, unfortunately, these are usually first-time moms who decide to not have a doula.

Some of the most successful people and top athletes in the world have not just one but multiple coaches for every aspect of their lives. It only makes sense to have a personal coach— fully focused on you, your needs, your desires, your capabilities, your potential, and your goals—for such a truly significant event as birth.

Related article: It Takes a Village Birth Story - A Doula that Made a Difference

How Do You Become a Doula?

With providing profound experiences being in the very job description of a doula, becoming one is more of a calling than it is a “job.” And, more and more women are choosing to have a doula to help them through their perinatal period.

Pragmatically speaking, becoming a doula requires certification which is accomplished by completing a short training course, but ongoing continuing education is not only customary but encouraged. Many doulas take my Love Your Birth online course for their certification, as it helps them better help the women they serve.

There are many different programs and organizations to choose from actually.

A quick search can have you in touch with organizations in your local area but also around the world! If becoming a doula is your passion, here are some excellent training programs with different flavors - see what feels right for you.

CAPPA, for example, is known as “one of the first and most comprehensive perinatal organizations in the world.”

DONA International, on the other hand, has a training program “known as the world’s best.”

The Matrona  is a wonderful training program known for its holistic approach.

Prodoula  is a training program for the modern women interested in elevating the professionalism of the career.

What you may notice in many doula training programs, if not all, is the warm and welcoming atmosphere that encourages you to learn and to train at your own pace.

Photo by Judith Halek

Many programs allow you to get right into the thick of things, with having you attend multiple labors so that you can immediately decide for yourself whether this is truly the calling for you. Quite a number of programs also allow a type of self-study in which you can complete the full program at your own pace. Most doula training can be completed in a weekend.

Some doulas make a full-time career out of this passion of theirs while others can take it more slowly if they wish and work more part-time.

Related article: Why You (Yes, YOU) Should Become a Doula

Doulas can create the most harmonious and profound birthing experiences for a mother, especially for those births that are natural.

A doula can really keep you in touch with the powerful realization that you’re bringing life into the world. Some doulas lead deeply spiritual experiences like mother blessing ceremonies, and foster community by leading a variety of support groups.  Doulas tend to bring a variety of other modalities to you, depending on their additional training, from placenta encapsulation, to massage therapy, reiki, and essential oils. Some get certified in lactation counseling and support, childbirth education, teaching safe baby wearing, prenatal and postpartum yoga. Many bring labor support tools like the birth ball, a Rebozzo, and portable birth tub.

Physical and mental benefits aside,  a doula can create the kind of environment that shelters and protects a mother who is stronger and more capable than she realizes as well as sensitive and vulnerable during this special time, so that the mother can, in turn, concentrate on having one of the most empowering experiences ever.

Taking an honest look at the possibility of a natural childbirth? Visit my Love Your Birth course webpage to take the self-assessment today. And, let me help you put all of the odds in your favor!

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Let Me Guide You To Create The Happiest Healthiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma, planning a VBAC

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Image by Megan Hancock Photography

Regardless if you are intending to birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams, ROCK your birth.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are. And avoid the common complications - including birth trauma, prevalent in today's modern world from the cascade of routine interventions. You have a choice and you have a voice. 

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself,letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom andcommunicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

How to Plan, Have, and Rock Your VBAC

How to Plan, Have, and Rock Your VBAC

Photo by @senhoritasfotografia

Didn’t think you could have a successful VBAC or vaginal birth after Cesarean? Keep reading to discover what’s possible for you.

If you’re a momma who has previously undergone a C-section birth, I want you to know that having a vaginal birth in the future is totally possible.

VBACs are more attainable and beneficial than you might think. While C-sections are absolutely appropriate in life-threatening situations, they do not (and, should not) have to become a routine.

There are some practical steps you can take to not only determine if VBAC is right for you, but also prepare for having a deeply positive vaginal birth experience that will have you feeling empowered in your own capabilities.

Hopefully, these practical tips give you the confidence to know that you too can have a wonderful VBAC.

How to Research When Planning a Successful VBAC

Why do You Want Your VBAC?

The first step, in any major decision, really, is to know and believe that you have a voice.

Take full responsibility for your pregnancy, and do not surrender it to others, especially to your health care provider and the hospital.

Don’t simply assume that a doctor or midwife knows what’s best for you. Only you can truly understand what you’re feeling and experiencing physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Don’t skip this first step or even take it lightly. It’s the most important step and sets up the foundation for the rest of your VBAC journey.

So, how do you get started with your foundation? Ask yourself this simple (albeit, difficult) question, “What do I want, and why?”

This is your opportunity to educate and empower yourself.

The more you know, the more likely you are to make better decisions. The more you know about yourself, the more likely you are to make more harmonious decisions that coincide with who you are.

This is feeding your soul, your deepest truth!

Know the Real Pros and Cons of Both a VBAC and a Cesarean Section

The next step includes understanding the nature of both VBACs and C-section birth. Then, you should probably tackle their pros and cons.

A Cesarean section (or C-section) is a major abdominal operation in which the baby is delivered through a surgical incision in the mother’s abdomen and uterus while under anesthesia.

This is usually an epidural or spinal anesthesia, inserted via a needle and catheter into the space around your spinal cord, which attempts to numb you from the waist down. General anesthesia is medication given so you are completely out. Depending on the situation, you may be given such a high dose, you will need a tube inserted into your airway so that a machine can breath for you. It is is more often the method of choice in severe emergencies where time is of the essence.

While being a life-saving surgery, C-sections are meant to only be performed in cases of serious complications and emergency in which the mother and/or baby are in real danger.

Another advantage of repeat cesarean is that, if planned, it can take less of an emotional toll for some moms. A mom, for example, who’s very anxious about a past emergency or planned vaginal birth that did not work out, is extremely afraid of vaginal birth, or has a history of unresolved sexual abuse trauma can feel reassured by her perceived sense of predictability and controlled surgical procedure in having a C-section.

The trouble with C-sections is that they are, nowadays, becoming more and more commonplace, putting moms and babies at a significantly increased risk of poor physical and psychological health.

In fact, the USA is ranked among the highest in the world for cesarean sections at 30% and counting. In my area, some hospitals have a 40-50% C-section rate.

This is a lot considering the fact that C-sections are supposed to be rare! It is unacceptable, malpractice, and explains our country’s horrid outcome stats. We rank near the bottom as compared to other developed countries in terms of mothers and babies becoming seriously ill or dying during or soon after childbirth.

We have soaring rates of birth trauma for both mother and baby, which significantly impacts their lives in the short and long term. My cesarean section rate is 5% which is comparable to most homebirth midwives, within the ideal range of percentage rates of performed Cesareans.

Here’s the scary long list of risks that come with having a cesarean section: injuries to other organs during surgery, bowel obstruction, infection, hemorrhaging, having an emergency hysterectomy, blood clots, stroke, and maternal death.

You also run the risk of having pain if the anesthetic doesn’t work completely.

There’s prolonged, more intense pain postpartum, a longer hospital stay, readmission to the hospital, an upsetting or emotionally traumatic birth experience, less early contact and connection with the baby, depression and mental health problems, low self-esteem, relationship issues, difficulty functioning and doing usual daily activities postpartum, chronic pelvic pain from scar tissue, problems with and discontinuing breastfeeding - along with the associated risks to mom and baby of not breastfeeding.

There can be accidental cuts to the baby during the surgery,  lung and breathing problems, including asthma for the baby. There could be future reproductive health problems like reduced fertility, infertility, negative feelings about childbirth and having another baby, higher risk for life-threatening complications in future pregnancies, including placenta previa, accreta or abruption, ectopic pregnancy, mild separation to frank rupture of previous uterine scar, fetal malformation or central nervous system injury, stillbirth and newborn death. The baby could also be born prematurely or with a low birth weight.

(Whoo!)

VBAC, or vaginal birth after Cesarean, on the other hand, is exactly what it sounds like. Having had a C-section in the past doesn’t mean that you’re required to have C-sections for every subsequent birth.

In fact, when all is well and healthy, the benefits of having a VBAC are quite numerous and significant. The risks of repeat cesarean birth far outweigh the risks of VBAC.

First of all, avoiding major surgery is a crucial health benefit in and of itself - it avoids all of the above-mentioned risks of cesarean. Almost all other surgeries that were once major are now done laparoscopically with much smaller incisions to minimize risk.

Also, you significantly increase the chances of having a more positive birth and postpartum experience. Healing and recovery are much easier, and there are fewer chances of enduring postpartum depression and emotional birth trauma. There are shorter hospital stays, fewer readmissions, and the increased opportunity for earlier and more prolonged contact and bonding with your baby. There’s more likely to be success with breastfeeding, especially after a natural birth.

But, as with everything, there are risks with a VBAC. The main risk of concern is the partial or complete separation of your previous surgery’s scar that may or may not have any impact on you or your baby. The numbers are about 2 in every 1,000 VBACs, but this risk doesn’t have any effect on the health of the mother or baby, as it refers to partial or slight disruption of the prior incision without clinical significance.

A significant uterine rupture which would, in this case, be a life-threatening risk is actually even less likely to happen. These numbers are less than 1%.

There are also risks of some vaginal pain or tearing that takes a few weeks or few months to fully heal (a much shorter time than it takes for for the cesarean wound to heal), a slight increase in urinary and rarely anal incontinence, and birth injury to baby from the uncommon complication of shoulder dystocia.

As a midwife, I fully support a momma’s choice to have a VBAC. But, there are many important reasons why you could find yourself in a condition to have either a scheduled or an unplanned repeat C-section birth.

For example, your baby may be in a transverse position (lying in the uterus across your abdomen), or you may be nearing your term and have placenta previa - especially if the placenta is completely or partially covering your cervix. Read up on these situations to further understand what truly are indications for undergoing a C-section.

Once you’ve learned and weighed the pros and cons of both a VBAC and a C-section, complement your research with the knowledge and experience of your trusted doctor and/or midwife.

Find the Right Health Provider for You

After you’ve gathered your information and have made a few decisions as to what you’d like to do, it’s time to find the provider that will work with you toward your vision of a successful vaginal birth.

Ask various providers their VBAC rates as compared to their repeat Cesarean rates. This is important—look for, of course, the providers with whom their VBAC rates are higher than the repeat C-sections. They should not have a VBAC rate lower than 70-80%, if you want to maximize your chances of vaginal birth.

If you’re planning on having the birth of your baby in a hospital, then you can equally research your local hospitals and get their VBAC rates as well, gauging in the same way.

It is worth mentioning that a natural birth gives you your highest chances of having a successful vaginal birth after Cesarean. Just know that while many wonderful obstetricians have high rates of VBAC, they are highly skilled surgeons who specialize in higher risk complications.

They can look for them, diagnose and treat them medically and/or surgically. Going to a surgeon and having a natural vaginal birth may be extremely challenging in many cases.

Most midwives whether they practice in or outside of hospitals have some of the best VBAC to repeat C-section ratios. You might have to dig a little deeper in your research, however, to find midwives who practice in-hospital. Sometimes, their hands are tied by limiting obstetrical or hospital policies and malpractice insurance companies. But they still tend to have higher VBAC rates than most OB/GYNs.

Related article: Can All Women Have a Homebirth?

Prepare to Rock Your VBAC

How to Deal with Emotional Trauma From Previous Cesarean?

Now, that you’ve done your research and you’ve decided that you’re going to have a VBAC, it’s time to prepare yourself, mind, body, and spirit.

This is particularly important if you’ve previously had a traumatic experience with a C-section birth.

There are actually therapists whose specialty is to help women overcome the trauma of the last upsetting unplanned cesarean birth.

Photo by midwife @lindseymeehleis after her VBAC

That is what I do for the women in my local practice and online via Skype or Zoom for the global community. I work with you not only to heal, but also help you to approach your next childbirth experience with positivity, confidence and joy. Also, that is a main focus of my comprehensive online course, Love Your Birth, in addition to helping you achieve optimal health of the mind, the heart, the body, and spirit along the entire journey from pregnancy to birth and mamahood.

I have personally found the most effective form of trauma healing to be: Clarity Breathwork - it is so much more powerful than most any other modality, including medication and talk therapy alone. I tried just about anything, and nothing worked. I had such profound healing using Clarity Breathwork, I became a practitioner who provides private and group Clarity Breathwork sessions and assists at larger workshops, to help others experience the huge healing and transformation I did and witnessed in so many others. Additional incredibly effective methods of trauma healing include Somatic Experience and Organic Intelligence.

My goal is to create for you the springboard you need to heal fully, then create for yourself the deeply connected, positive, and empowering experience that childbirth truly can be.

Your VBAC Community

Another very important component to preparing for your VBAC is to gather around you a community of women who are on the same wavelength as you in terms of mindset and experience.

It is actually easier than you think to find women who’ve gone through what you’re going through, given the high rates of cesarean birth in our country.

Do a bit of research on ICAN, a nonprofit organization whose goal it is to educate and support women through their Cesarean recovery. They also seek to support families in their communities advocating for vaginal births after Cesareans.

This is a time to work closely with your midwife or obstetrician on bringing to life the successful birth you’ve envisioned for yourself.

Make your needs and goals very clear (your midwife or I can even help you to hone in on what those needs and goals might be), so that all you have to focus on is delivering your baby when the time comes.

Surround Yourself with Positivity and Joy

Lastly, be on the lookout for positive VBAC stories of healing, beauty, and empowerment to encourage you. We always seem to envision these horrific and traumatic scenes when it comes to birth.

Fill your mind with positive birth stories, and what’s possible for you instead of what you fear might happen.

I have collected my favorite resources for mamas in my course. It contains 200 of the best supplies, books and movies I use personally and professionally with my clients, family, and friends. Even diving into a fraction of this list will have you feeling empowered and prepared for conception, pregnancy, postpartum and parenting!

Draw, journal, meditate, visualize, play sensual music and let yourself freestyle dance to it—these things help you to heighten and easily tap into the intuitive, feminine self. This is your heart and gut, your truth, your wisdom, the part of you that knows what you most deeply desire and the part of you that knows exactly how to give birth.

With easier access to this huge part of your being, you will more easily determine what it is that you want and need. This creates more confidence and assuredness in the decisions that you make, no matter what the rest of the world might be telling you.

Now that you know where to begin, take responsibility for your pregnancy and childbirth. This is the most empowering thing you can do for you and your baby. It is also the healthiest, and will bring you a deep sense of inner peace and joy.

You’ll find that there are actually many resources and communities that can help you to have the kind of birth that you envision for yourself.

Know what you want and why you want it. Find healthcare providers as well as other women who support you in your decisions and who can help you on your journey. Hire a doula and learn why this is so important especially if you are planning a VBAC and you do not have that kind of calm mothering support for the big day.

A woman’s childbirth is her own and she should have the freedom to experience the full power of what she is capable of.

A glowing vaginal birth after Cesarean is possible for every momma.

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Your many questions may be more common than you think! Subscribe to my monthly Ask the Midwife Newsletter where I answer common questions in written or video format.

I have a holistic approach to life, including healing after pregnancy and birthing. Nothing replaces abdominal toning and exercise for restoring muscle strength and tone - which I encourage for all mamas as soon as they feel up to it postpartum. Nothing replaces touch, slow deep abdominal breathing, and a 'love your postpartum body' perspective that I promote.  But I have found many mamas simply feel comforted by this support garment, especially early postpartum and temporarily as needed....to be used without forfeiting abdominal toning and strengthening exercise, breathing well and touch. I have found Bellefit supportive garments to help like they use belly binding around the world such as in Indonesia. They do aid in early postpartum healing and provide support many mamas feel comforted by. I deal with human beings and the reality is many postpartum mom's struggle with body image, feel frustrated that getting back to themselves takes longer than expected. Being into holistic health and healing includes being sensitive to real human struggles - the mind, body, heart and soul of each person and their unique situation. Having helped countless women with these issues after having a baby as a midwife, I have found many still love that binding and feel better with this support, and ability to fit into their pre-pregnancy clothes comfortably and sooner than they would if they went through a C-section or natural childbirth recovery without it - especially when they have to dress up and fit into a certain favorite outfit for a special occasion or wedding not long after having a baby. For more info on the Bellefit girdle, check out my blog about it here. Have a Great Postpartum Recovery (with a little help from Bellefit).

Photo by Megan Hancock Photography

Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma, planning a VBAC

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself, letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom and communicate with baby in belly

Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

It’s wonderful alone, a great refresher or adjunct to any other course!

“Forget your childbirth class, and take steps to your most empowering experience. If you are thinking about conception, pregnant, or love someone who is, take it from me that her wisdom is life-changing.
Yours in the truth

— Kelly Brogan, MD

Happy Birth On The Farm...Except For The Cat

Dearest Baby James Barry (formerly known as Boop),

You are 22 hours old. You are slumbering next to me on the bed. You are a little miracle and a little marvel. I am relishing this time. Midwife Anne has banished me from stairs, and I am glad.  We spent the day in bed together, you and I, and will do the same tomorrow. What a gift.

Your arrival was not so different from what I imagined and hoped for. Still it is a miracle! Your big sister Elaine June arrived two weeks after her estimated due date. So I did not expect you to come on yours. Still, one gets antsy. The days rolled by. 

(Part of why I thought this is because I had dreamt you were a girl.  But you are a boy, and we're so very thrilled that you are who you are! Your dad and sister both thought you were a boy all along.) 

Anyway, on Monday night, I got out my cello. We stretched around it together, you huddled in front of course, and I played "Happy Birthday" to give you the idea, and some Bach suites, and "The Swan," then "Happy Birthday" again before I put it away.  

Tuesday went by with more “no baby yet” comments from one and all. On Wednesday night EJ said, “I want Boop to be born on Thursday!” I agreed.

I had assumed that my labor would begin at night, since that's what happened with EJ. Thus, each awakening morning brought disappointment as I realized, yet again, NBY—No Baby Yet. Yet...as I ate my breakfast yesterday morning, I felt a cramp. Just the same kind of cramp I'd felt in early labor 4 years before...

I told Dave, and felt hopeful. But I was well aware that some women have contractions for days before their babe is born. At 7:30 a.m. I realized that your Grandma Sheena was about to leave for work. I called her off, even though I wasn't sure this was the day. She commenced to work from home. The contractions slowed. Dave went to work; I took EJ to school. The pains returned and were somewhat regular, though, every 20 minutes or so. I left a message for Anne, and called Sheena with a disappointing “no news yet” message. Back at the farm I went on a walk, and the contractions slowed down. It was a nice walk up past the pump house and around to the garden where I pulled a few weeds with the crew. I finally saw the log cabin. I returned and called Sheena again with more non-news.

Dave came home early from work. We had an appointment with Anne, set for 1 p.m.  I didn't want to drive there myself so long after the due date, especially with contractions! In fact I hoped we'd soon be birthing at home. But the contractions kept petering out, only to come back after a while, only to slow down again. Nothing seemed certain.

Your dad and I picked EJ up from preschool and she ate a packed lunch by the gazebo on the river. The contractions were back, and fairly regularly so, 10-15 minutes apart. I spoke with Anne and all agreed that we should head home. I looked at my early labor list...made a frittata, moved some stuff around, and wondered when I should call Jean (your Grandma Sheena) to come be with EJ. We didn't want a crowd here waiting for things to get moving, as that would surely slow it all down. But the contractions started to be dependable. We called Jean around 2:45 p.m.  

Grandma Sheena was here by 4 p.m. and took EJ down to the lake. We were timing my contractions, which were coming 7 minutes apart, then 5, then 7. Anne said she'd like to be heading here when they were 4-6 minutes apart, but she could come anytime. Dave and I were torn: we didn't want a house full of folks just waiting too soon...a watched pot doesn't boil! But our friends had just had an accidental unassisted birth since it went so fast!  The contractions got closer together, and Anne was on her way.

Then, of course, the contractions slowed, 6-12 minutes apart. Nancy, Anne's assistant and a wonderful doula, arrived and suggested a long walk. EJ and Sheena came up from the lake, and got ready for yogurt and a bath. I don't know if she ever ate dinner! Anne came, and your dad and I left.  

Up around the farm we walked, through the gardens and the flower area. I had to tell your dad not to pull weeds. We'd stop now and then when I had a contraction, though they did seem further apart. As we descended the hill, there were dark clouds and Dave wanted to hurry. Um, no, I could not hurry! The contractions, though spaced out more, were starting to really hurt. We got home and EJ was excited. I set up a bed on the couch for her and Sheena. EJ wanted my attention and I was trying to give it to her, but the contractions were regular now, and hurting more and more. A movie distracted EJ. I finally realized I needed to settle in upstairs.

We decided to birth in Elaine June's room. She had agreed to this months ago and we'd spoken of it often. Mizoo cat kept attacking poor Anne, as had been his tradition since the home visit.  She set up all of her instruments on a sterile field which he promptly hopped upon between attacks on her.  Dave finally had to trap him downstairs in the bathroom. Patient Anne and Nancy had tried hard to bear with him, but the bugger was relentless. A couple of days later EJ coined the phrase “attackive” to describe him. (He's not like that with everyone; I don't understand! And by the time you're reading this, James, Mizoo is likely to be a mellow old dude, or remembered as such.  Funny, these felines!)

The contractions were closer and more painful but I had yet to have the bloody show or broken water or anything that felt productive. I called Dave at last and moved onto my knees in the bedroom. (I had been pacing the hall, and swaying low with the contractions.) Finally I peed and found some bloody mucous. I don't think it was long after that, that I started pushing, and soon enough the water broke. I was glad things were moving on. Nancy kept checking your heartbeat; it was always good and strong. Thank you for reassuring me, sweet James!

Oh, my, I certainly had forgotten the pain! Through each contraction I would remember: breathe low and slow through the pain, stay loose and open, and—the hard one for me—do nothing extra.  It took a long time for me to give in and Do Nothing Extra.  Between each contraction I wanted to give directions on where to find things, what I wanted to drink, that I didn't care if the yoga mat got bloody, etc.  At least, before I finally got myself to shut up, I was able to tell Nancy where to find an empty trash can, as I sensed that I was going to puke. They suggested the green bowl I had there for the placenta.  But it's so dear to me and I didn't want to throw up in it!

Nancy came through, transition came on, I threw up, and at last realized that I had to stop talking and save every ounce of energy to push you out. It was agony for a while. But I pushed with all my might, knowing that I had prolonged EJ's birth by pushing with half-strength for hours. During those most painful contractions I shuddered and moaned, I prayed, and I begged you to please come down, Baby Boop, please come down now. Anne said she enjoyed hearing the horses and sounds of the farm as I labored. I heard nothing, only felt as you slowly descended. All of this time, on my knees, I was squeezing and clawing your dear Dad. He managed to hold my hands, hold a hot water bottle on my back, and massage me all at once, or so it seemed. Anne and Nancy massaged too; it felt so good and eased some of the pain.  

You were low; it was time to wake EJ. I heard her crying before Sheena brought her in. I couldn't talk. She came in crying for me, wanting to snuggle and hold my hair. After trying to calm her, Sheena took her away. Anne said “you can't force these things” and I knew she was right. All along I had known it might not work to have your sister there. I was sad, but I knew I had to let that go and move on and get you born, dear James!

Breathe, low and slow, through the pain. Stay loose and open. Do nothing extra. James, this time I was so grateful to actually feel relief, even briefly, between the contractions. EJ's birth was back labor and there was pain even between. With you there was brief, blessed rest in those middle moments. At one point I asked for the birth stool. I had the idea that squatting might make you come faster. It was awful, though--I felt so unsteady. I remember crying “I hate this stool!” and everyone scrambling to help me turn back to your father, return to my knees, and keep pushing you, and pulling and pawing your dear dad...

The door opened, and Sheena came in, carrying a quiet Elaine June. Dave opened his arms and she crawled in. I even managed, between pains, to tell her I was so glad she was here. So glad, so grateful! She watched, quietly, with the occasional “I love you Mommy, you can do it Mommy” escaping her thumb-stuffed mouth.  

I knew you were low, James, that you were close. But I also knew it could still be a long time. The pain, though fierce, was now somehow bearable. I shuddered with dread as each contraction came on, but I knew you were coming. Anne held a warm, oiled cloth under me and I pressed into it. Your head was there, with hair. The “ring of fire” stung, but it meant you were so close. I pressed into that warmth, and you came closer each time. But how close? Finally, finally Anne said your head was coming out. Then it was out. Then, with a last surge that took my breath away, you slipped right out behind me. I'm crying even now writing about it, dear baby boy. You came out to tears and joy. I asked “boy or girl?” Anne replied, “I'm not telling!”

I was still on my knees.  Anne passed you in between my legs and I carefully picked up wonderful, slimy you. I thought you were a boy, and checked to be sure. Then I said “it's James Barry Llewellyn!” and held you for your Daddy, sister, and grandma to see. And I held you to me.

Elaine June said “I have a baby brother!”  (She wanted you to be a boy), and/or “just like I wanted”...the truth is I'm not sure. She was thrilled and could not wait to kiss you. (She had been watching birth videos for months and was not alarmed by my screeches nor your sliminess.) Your Daddy said that, when you were born, she gave him “the biggest hug she has ever given anyone”. (That is a big hug, James.) Later, to me, she said, “Mommy, remember when Boop was born, how I gave you so many kisses?!”  

I felt very unsteady and shivery, and wanted to birth the placenta. Anne and Nancy had me lay down and I held you to my chest, baby boy. The placenta came and Anne asked who wanted to cut the cord. I knew your dad didn't. I asked Sheena, and she and Anne asked if EJ wanted to.  She did. Dave asked me, “are you sure?” I said, “she loves scissors!” Anne helped your proud big sister cut the cord. You latched on a little but were really just exploring. We had to get up.

Nancy helped keep me steady for a short shower. As I left, I heard your Daddy say, “he has the beginnings of a beak!”, then he and Sheena discussing your Morrison nose! I went to bed and you were brought to me, dear Baby James. Such a marvel! Such tiny apricot ears and long wrinkly fingers...you were just inside of me, and now here you were!!! Your fingernails were like daggers, we'd have to clip them soon. Your fingers were so dinosaur like—wide at the bottom and pointy at the top, wrinkly and peely. You latched on. Anne stitched me and cleaned me up some more. As she did I held you under a towel. When it was lifted it revealed what Nancy said was the biggest meconium poop she'd ever seen! We laughed briefly about James and The Giant Poop, while Nancy patiently and tirelessly cleaned us both.

Your sister came to bed -- “I want to kiss my baby brother!  I want Boop!” she said. We told her she had to be gentle on the bed. She was. She kissed you, and has been kissing you ever since. We said goodnight to her many, many times. Sheena kept bringing her down with the ploy of a movie. But that didn't hold. After 10 or 20 minutes we'd hear thumpthumpthump “I want my baby brother!” and she'd come up, climb on the bed, and kiss you and pat you and call you Baby Boop, Baby Brother, Baby James, and kiss you some more. That night she gave you her wee stuffed rooster that she had chosen for you before you were born. It's been your companion ever since.

Now you are 8 days old.  

The day after your birth Granny Annie and Aunt Suzanne came to meet you.  We all marveled at your purple, waxy peely feet and hands, your dear little ears, your masculine nose.  “His nose has salt on it!” proclaimed EJ, seeing the little white hormone zits.  I think her favorite Baby James miracle is that even your big toes are little; she mentions it daily.  She calls you Baby Brother, Baby James, Boop,  JamesBarryLlewellyn, JamesyJames, JamesyWamesy, and, most of all, Cute, as a name.  “I'm going to call him Cute, because he's cute.”  “I want to kiss Cute!”  She comforts you when I change your diapers, loves to hold you and kiss you and pat you.  She brings me water when I nurse and a burp cloth when you're done eating.  She is constantly talking about when she's older and what she'll do with you, just you: “When I'm thirteen and a half I can take Cute to Big Truck Day all by myself!”, etc and so on.  When Elaine June is asked about your birth, she tells people three things: she watched movies all night, she saw you born, and she got to cut the cord.  

Between movies on your birthday night, your dad helped Elaine June and Sheena blow up blue balloons and put them under the frog outside, so everyone coming to the farm on Friday would know you were here.  That first day we just stared and stared at you.  Dave was bemused that, like me, youbarely have any eyebrows—no hint of his uni-brow.  (“You'd think that would be dominant”, said he.)  I kept wondering how you could be so frog-like and yet so furry, all at the same time.  Your frogginess faded in just a few days as you slowly uncurled into our world.  Now you are peeling off the waxy layer left from inside of me, ever expanding.  You are still so sweetly soft and fuzzy; Daddy calls you James the Giant Peach.  Every day you change and grow.

You were born on Thursday night.  Friday EJ slept at Sheena and Poppy's.  Saturday I was nervous about when she'd crawl in bed with us and what would transpire.  But then, and each night since, it's been fine.  I got up to pee that night, and when I came back, I saw three dear souls, all curled in their own way on our bed.  Between you and EJ there was an empty space just for me, the missing piece in our family slumber puzzle.  Such a sweet, blessed gift.

You sleep most of the time, these days.  You've been merciful at night and somehow seem patient even when poopy or hungry.  If a cry can seem polite, yours does.  When you awake, your Daddy and EJ and I look at you and talk to you and marvel and wonderful, captivating you.  You do seem to smile.  You are strong, lifting your head and even pushing up from your belly.  Both Anne and the pediatrician have proclaimed you “perfect”, which of course we knew already.  

We welcome you, we celebrate you, we thank God for you, Baby James, and we love you with all our hearts.  

Sincerely, sincerely yours, dear James...

Your Mom, and also your Dad and sister too.  And Batchy and Mizoo

---

Photo by Megan Hancock Photography

Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma,

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself, letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom and communicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

It’s wonderful alone, a great refresher or adjunct to any other course!

“Forget your childbirth class, and take steps to your most empowering experience. If you are thinking about conception, pregnant, or love someone who is, take it from me that her wisdom is life-changing.
Yours in the truth

— Kelly Brogan, MD

Birth Story - Sacred, Sensual, & Laughing Baby Out

My second son Ojiah was born... During the pregnancy I needed guidance accepting the change that this was bringing to my life. From conception, Ojiah has been asking for my evolution as a person, spiritually and actively. While researching ecstatic and orgasmic birth, I found Suni Krall's book Sacred Birthing. My first birth was amazing and I needed to know I could have another wonderful birth (that I hadn't used up my great birth reserves, so to speak) This book, most of all, helped me with affirmations, visualizations, and meditations. I practiced mindful meditation, stating my intentions towards a healthy baby and a spiritually high, painless birth. 

The early evening of Dec 12th, I was feeling restless and hungry. I had been having pre-labor sensations for a couple of weeks and felt ripe and ready. Jack and I put our son Sedge to bed, then made love. Labor came on instantly--what a pleasant surprise! I had dribbling of water from my yoni and nice strong contractions. We both laid down in bed and tried to get some rest.

Jack's body was propped up on some pillows and I was lying on his chest; he was so solid, strong, and warm.

I focused on my breathing and closed my eyes. The waves of sensation with each rush manifested in my breathing rate and I was both concentrating on and allowing relaxation through the surges of intensity. As the waves started to come on stronger andmore often, I felt the need to get up. I also needed to empty my bowels. The rushes became stronger and this seemed to be happening quickly. I began to moan and groan to release any pain. I sought out the most comfortable positions which was kneeling on the floor, knees splayed, my upper body propped up on the couch, a stool or a birthing ball. 

Timing of when to call the midwife is tricky when you become so immersed in the present, but Jack was making me aware of the obvious--things were progressing--it was time to call Anne. When she and her assistant Nancy arrived, they were so gentle and respectful. Any concerns about having toentertain or having my energy pulled away from myself quickly diminished. They were immediately present and 'holding the space'. Jack's touch was amazing, connected, and strong. To complement that, Nancy's touch was soft, warm, and reassuring. Making noises during rushes really moved them through me. At one point, I remember feeling a gentle sadness washing over me and I announced it was going to manifest itself as a cry. Jack was so supportive as he sat with me and Nancy respectfully paused in the process of checking my temperature. Everyone present allowed this feeling to express. It was very calm and fleeting, and felt almost like singing. It was a gentle weeping, like a breeze through a willow, and it was over, no specific thoughts were involved--just total feeling. 

As things began to get more intense, Anne wisely suggested a shower, which was revitalizing. As the close of the birth was approaching, I began to fear that our two year old son, Sedge, would wake up and be needy when the baby needed us most. We had originally planned to call someone to be with him. Though this didn't feel right in the moment, I feared having the flow broken if Sedge became scared and needed something I just couldn't give. Jack kept talking me through this, reassuring me that it was ALL OK. Walking, squatting, bending, moaning were all part of the progression, and the pressure began to feel heavier. I felt the need to push. Anne checked me and said I was not ready--I needed to open more. Certain visualizations came into my being at this time: the opening of flowers and an affirmation from Sacred Birthing -- "I wish to envision my birth as an ultimate high". I also remembered from Spiritual Midwifery about connecting in with your man. We had smooched plenty earlier and I know this had helped me. I turned toward Jack and looked into his eyes and acknowledged and held that connection I felt. It was deep and loving and freeing and joyous, and out bubbled a laugh; it felt GREAT..... "ah hah!" I allowed the laughs to keep on coming and thought about the words "I wish to envision my birth as an ultimate high," and I was getting high! I don't remember any pain at that time. I was completely lifted above it all... it felt REALLY good. Laughing transcended me. I'm not sure how long this went on. There's no linear grasp on time, but I know that it was a prevalent gift in my birthing experience.  

Sedge began waking up then, and Jack went into the bedroom to be with him and talk about what was going on with mama. I clearly remember the 'last laugh'. It started to arise naturally and then was caught in my throat by a strong rush. I knew it was time for inward quiet. Transition. I sat on my birthing ball and felt deep calm. I was fully opened. I felt Ojiah moving lower and lower with the next contractions and deeper grunts came out of me. All I wanted to do was walk around and squat on the rush. Sedge and Jack came out of the bedroom. Sedge gave me a hug, then he and Jack sat on the couch, while I sat on the birthing stool facing them and resting my upper body on Jack's lap, hugging him whenever the intensity of feeling came on. Sedge was not just there, he was completely supportive. At one point this pure, wise little being rested his hand on my arm. A gesture that was fully present and not at all needy. He was aware of the magic and sacredness of the space and moment.

Anne and Nancy had me on a birthing stool that was the perfect height to really get a squat. During the pushing I alternated between sitting on it and getting up onto it to get a deeper squat. Anne made lovely suggestions during this time to walk, go under the shower, and listen to music. I didn't think I was grounded enough to choose or enjoy music, but I trusted Anne and agreed to it. She took out her CD of women birthing songs from around the world. I pushed and called out with a will of strength so primal and raw.  I was actually tuned in and encouraged by the tribal music. It was ancestral. My beautiful baby boy was born. He was so gentle and peaceful and welcome.

Bringing me back to that moment swells my heart to a great capacity. It is a beautiful and awesome initiation into the countless moments of the real and perfect harmonies of parenting. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my story.

Shannon

Let Me Help You Create The Happiest Birth Experience Of Your Life...

Whether you're a first time or experienced momma,

Or a midwife, doula, or birth professional guiding mommas..

Regardless if you are planning a birth at home, a hospital, a birth center or need a cesarean section, or if you are taking another childbirth education class…

You Really Can Create The Delivery Of Your Dreams.

And have a blissful birth wherever you are.

More Precious Than A Wedding...A Birth Should Be A Celebration!

Let me show you how to…

• Understand the sensations of your body and connect your intuition with how your body is communicating and leading you towards what to do during labor

• Tap into your inner calm to deeply relax yourself, letting go of busy, stressful and fearful thoughts on demand for the health of baby

• Speak your truth from your heart in a way that deepens your relationships, sets clear boundaries, and has people listen to you and support you before, during and after pregnancy

• Trust yourself, connect with your body wisdom and communicate with baby in belly

• Connect with natural time and sync your body and mind up with your unique biological clock for ease from pregnancy to postpartum

• Reprogram negative patterns, stories, and beliefs that undermine your confidence, strength and self trust so you can rock your birth

Photo by Megan Hancock Photography

Physicians and midwives around the world recommend my teachings to their pregnant clients and many Doulas across the country learn the secrets of blissful birthing from me to supplement their Doula Training & Certification process!

To learn more, visit:  LOVE YOUR BIRTH Online Childbirth Course!

It is based on my years of experience, as a midwife and yoga teacher, helping thousands of women tap into their calm and live and birth from a place of grounded relaxation and joy. 

It’s wonderful alone, a great refresher or adjunct to any other course!

“Forget your childbirth class, and take steps to your most empowering experience. If you are thinking about conception, pregnant, or love someone who is, take it from me that her wisdom is life-changing.
Yours in the truth

— Kelly Brogan, MD

It Takes A Village Birth Story - A Doula That Made A Difference

The Birth, and Baby Moon of Felix.

5th June 2017; 12.15am.

It was a mild Sunday. I had done 283 days of pregnancy...approximately 6792 hours (if the days didn’t sound long enough). I was 3 days overdue, the size and weight of a led balloon and I had absolutely reached my breaking point. For the past 2 weeks I’d had seemingly constant Braxton Hicks, awful back pain and every night ended in a false labour. I spent the day lying in bed crying, and coming to terms with the fact that I was obviously going to be an elephant forever.

I had previously had two very rapid births, with my last being very traumatic, riddled with pre, and post-natal depression. I was young, desperate for a home birth and felt completely ignored and not listened to by the NHS. I ended up in the midwife led unit at my nearest hospital being held down on my back to birth, which was not good considering I had SPD. I thought I had dealt with the anxiety this experience had caused me; but until I fell pregnant again this time round, I had no idea how much I had locked away. I had a fantastic midwife for this pregnancy, who arranged a debrief with a lovely lady that gave me the confidence to be sure my wish for a home birth would be met. I had done endless sessions of hypnotherapy at home, printed off affirmation cards to stick to my wall, made a visual birth plan, practised my breathing techniques, watched calm home birth videos, had a pregnancy blessing with all of my most cherished female friends; and hired a fabulous doula to make sure that I had the best possible chance of achieving what I needed for myself and my baby. I spent the last few months being proud of my body, really coming to terms with my changing shape and loving it! However, those last two weeks of pregnancy really started to drain on all of this preparation and, to be honest, I was at the point of taking any offer made that would get this baby out of me.

My doula came over Sunday afternoon to give this giant pregnant elephant a pep talk to help get me out of the headspace I had ended up in. She said to spend the afternoon ‘pretending I wasn’t pregnant’; so we made plans to go the cinema the following day, and all sat down as a family to watch the One Love Manchester concert before bed. At around 7.45 the kids were settling when I suddenly felt a pop and my waters started gushing everywhere.

We phoned our doula to come back over, my mum and our birthing partners. Everyone arrived super quickly whilst I phoned the labour line to alert them that things were kicking off. They assured me that they’d send a midwife out as soon as my surges got to one in 6; they had one ready who knew the area really well so to phone back as soon as things became regular

After this, my doula did a sideline release; a technique from spinning babies, to get Felix in to a better position. By this point waters were literally covering my living room floor and sofa every time I moved; my once massive bump had deflated and completely changed shape, making us all think baby was going to be of average size. After some bouncing on my birthing ball and finding a chilled out music playlist; I went to the loo, which caused things to massively ramp up to the point I couldn’t get back upstairs without starting to make birthing noises.

Daniel, my 3 year old; helped his dad massage my back whilst my doula helped keep my breathing steady and my mum phoned the midwife back. I was asked to go into the birthing unit, but in the throes of labour, I “politely” declined. By 11.30, things had massively ramped up, and it was obvious that Felix was well on his way. I made my way to the air bed we had prepared, whilst my doula held my pelvis and a paramedic was phoned.

I could feel Felix moving up and down the birth canal with every surge. The intensity was beyond my ability to describe! Hannah, my 5 year old was awoken by the commotion and came in to watch on in fascination. We had prepared both the children beforehand with lots of conversations about what would happen, along with lots of home birth videos on YouTube; so they knew what was going to happen. In just 2 minutes, at 12.15am; Felix was born!

The paramedic walked in as his head was born. She was wonderful and completely respected my choice to be observed from a distance. Not long after Felix landed on the airbed; the midwives walked in. I birthed on all fours so leant back to pick up my beautiful, and huge, baby boy. I was the first to touch him, which was magical! We had some skin to skin; then he latched on and fed until the placenta was delivered naturally at 12.45am. The cord wasn’t touched until this point, by which time Felix had got the full amount of goodness from it, and it had turned white. His dad then helped to cut it, with the kids watching on, still in complete fascination. My doula helped me tie his rainbow cord tie on, and then he was weighed. 10lbs5. TEN POUNDS FIVE OUNCES! The entire room erupted in a mixture of shock and humour at the fact that me, only 5’4 in height, had naturally delivered this giant child without even a taste of a paracetamol, in 2 minutes with not even a graze.

Whilst Felix was dressed and his siblings got their first cuddles, my placenta was checked over and taken by my doula for some prints and a placenta smoothie. The smoothie was blended with red berries and apple juice; it was so refreshing to drink after going through birth and completely stopped my shakes and helped to reset me. My placenta prints were done as with my last two, I never even got asked if I wanted to see the placenta. The tissue that had helped to nurture and grow my babies was whisked away like it was something dirty; so this time, I wanted a reminder of what my amazing body had held and grown that I could put some artistic flair on.

Once everything had settled, and Felix had been checked over. Everyone headed home and we settled down for bed, at 5am Monday morning. The whole experience was so surreal I couldn’t sleep from the high and excitement. I had finally got the birth I had been dreaming of. Everything about it was beautiful and wonderful.

In the first postnatal days, I was left alone to bond, feed and heal; which was completely what I needed. My birth partners were my lifeline of support, and came over to help cook, clean and provide me with copious amounts of tea and pain relief. These wonderful women had held me up throughout pregnancy and were still holding me post birth.

In these days, I had the time to do a lot of reflection on myself, and past experiences not only involving birth, but of life in general. I realized that I’ve spent way too much time trying to be perfect at everything, and too much time being afraid to ask for help; two valuable life lessons that will forever stay with me.

I also finally understood, and connected with all of those women I had read about in blogs who wanted to tell anyone and everyone about their amazing birth story; and I had a new respect for the amazing work that doulas do. Without my doula, my pregnancy and birth would probably have been completely different. On that Sunday, I needed her and she came without hesitation. Without that seemingly small pep talk, my mental state going in to birth would probably have been completely different, and I wouldn’t handled the situation as well as I did. She enabled everyone to have their own space, and made the entire atmosphere calm and confident. I could not thank her enough.

On day 7, she came out again to do a wonderful closing the bones ceremony with me. This involved a gentle abdominal massage with some beautiful oils; and some spinning babies sifting with a rebozo scarf. This helped to realign all of my muscles and really helped me to say goodbye to the last 9 very long months. After she left, I had the most beautiful milk bath with Felix; made with oat milk, lavender and chamomile oils, Epsom salts, dried rose and lavender petals and chrysanthemums. It was extremely healing; and such a different, more peaceful experience to the first baths of my last two children.

I’d like to finish this by saying to anyone who reads this; that your birth is possible, you are enough, trust yourself, and never underestimate the power that a tribe of women can bring. I started this journey a complete sceptic of mindfulness, and the power of positive thinking. I had trust issues with almost everyone, low self esteem and stopped myself from dealing with any of it by trying to be perfect at everything, and keeping myself busy. This whole experience has been more healing than I can define, and I wish that everyone could have the chance to have the experience that I have. I hope that if just one person reads this and it helps them, then I have enabled someone; like my tribe enabled me.

By Lucy Howel @hippychick_mumma.

 Birth photos by birthing partner Leanne Shepherd @shepherd_leanne.